Why isn’t my friend happy about my relationship?

[LetsEatToSeat]

I am long term (mostly happily) single.

A few months ago I met someone who I really like, although we’re taking it slowly. Anyway, last night I introduced him to three of my closest friends. Today, they were telling me in our WhatsApp chat that they’d liked him, got on with him etc., but then one friend said ‘he’s very egotistical though’, and ‘are you sure you’re happy and this is what you want?’

With the last man I started dating she told me she liked him but he ‘was a bit overweight’. She’s had similar comments about other men I’ve dated over the years.

After being single for so long, why isn’t she happy me? It’s like she’s trying to put me off. We’re very close, went to school together, and she’s always been in relationships so it’s not that she wants us to be single together.

Is she just a tactless or blunt person in general? Is she very protective of you? Is she just a bit worried that new relationships will threaten your closeness?

Well, is he a bit egotistical?

Is he very egotistical? Is she right? If she's right then she's just being an honest friend and not just saying what you want to hear.

If he definitely could never be described as egotistical then you'd need to speak to her about what her issue is

This is all about her. I think there may be an undercurrent to your relationship with her that you haven't been aware of. She does this with every guy you date, so my guess is that she feels her position is threatened when you have a boyfriend.

She’s jealous

Maybe she likes you being the perpetually single one for some reason.

Well I don’t think he’s egotistical, and the previous one definitely wasn’t overweight.

Looking back, the comments I got from friends varied.

The things they said after we split up would have been more helpful if said much earlier.

My best friend was very blunt, as were a couple of acquaintences.

I should have listened.

Just how overweight was your ex? Was he just not slim or was he quite noticeably overweight?

Maybe she likes you being the perpetually single one for some reason.

This is what it feels like, but I cannot work out why. It’s not like she’s single and wants company.

1. Is she right about him?
2. Is she protective of you generally
3. Does she put you down in other areas of your life?

She could just be looking out for your best interests and puts these things bluntly but if she's always being a bit of a downer about other areas of your life, I'd maybe have a word with her and ask her directly about it.

Just how overweight was your ex? Was he just not slim or was he quite noticeably overweight?

He wasn’t overweight at all. He was a runner. When I said he wasn’t, she said ‘just a bit of a belly’. He didn’t. No Greek god or anything but nothing notably wrong with his appearance.

It’s not just about company though is it? Is she happy in her relationship? Does she have jealousy or self-esteem issues? Maybe she likes you being single because then she gets to feel better than you somehow by being in a longer term relationship. It all depends on how important relationships are to her and how much her self-esteem is tied up in having one.

1. Is she right about him?

I don’t think so. I’ve asked another couple of friends and they didn’t get that impression either.

2. Is she protective of you generally

Not really, no.

3. Does she put you down in other areas of your life?

No, she’s great. It just seems to be when it comes to men, and specifically men where it looks like it might become more than a fling.

OK. Thanks. Maybe she is just a bit jealous of you.

How’s her current partner? Does he resemble a greek god?

Sometimes people like being friends with other people that they feel superior to in some way (not that it's right but maybe this friends always felt better that they were in a relationship and you weren't. )

If so it probably stems from an odd jealousy. I can't imagine ever commenting that a friend's new partner was overweight. Either he's not overweight enough for them to have noticed (in which case why mention it) or presumably they would be well aware and weren't concerned.

It doesn't sound like they are coming from a good place to me.

How’s her current partner? Does he resemble a greek god?

It’s fair to say he does not. I personally do not like him at all for a range of reasons but particularly how he treats her. But I don’t insult him to her.

She likes being better than you because you are usually single. Next time just tell her straight
'that's unkind' or 'I wouldn't be so rude about your partner'

No big fuss or drama but call her out on it.

I would definitely put this down to jealousy / wanting you to be single so she feels better in some way.

Clearly your last bf wasn't overweight so you know she has form for criticising unfairly (and by the way, if he was overweight, how rude to comment on it after first meeting him). So it appears she is looking for something to criticise.

If you like him then her opinion doesn't matter anyway. I would always say to listen to friends who are honest and you trust completely, if it's about things that could cause genuine concern, but I don't think you can trust this friend.

There are unfortunately people like that. I used to have a friend who was great in many ways, but preferred me to be 'behind' her in the relationship stakes, like it was a race to have a bf, serious bf, engagement, wedding, children. I found it childish and just did things at my own pace, but it made for a few uncomfortable conversations when she felt I was getting ahead of her in some way.

@LetsEatToSeat

How’s her current partner? Does he resemble a greek god?

It’s fair to say he does not. I personally do not like him at all for a range of reasons but particularly how he treats her. But I don’t insult him to her.

If he treats her badly she is probably very jealous of the thought of you being happy in a new relationship when hers is so very different.

Is she the same with new friends? Like if you start a new job and hit it off with someone there, does she get a bit prickly about it?

I have a friend like that and she is always a tiny bit of a dick about her friends' new partners. It's just jealousy/insecurity! She gets over it after a while though and is otherwise very supportive and wants people to be happy.

@LetsEatToSeat

How’s her current partner? Does he resemble a greek god?

It’s fair to say he does not. I personally do not like him at all for a range of reasons but particularly how he treats her. But I don’t insult him to her.

This could very well be what it is then. If she’s not happy with the guy she is with or not being treated well she may feel jealous of you meeting someone new and be trying to minimise how ‘good’ she thinks they are. It’s not a good excuse though.

Do you think you can bring this up to her in some way? If she’s great in all other ways maybe she doesn’t realise she’s doing it?

I was the single friend for a long long time and my best friend was like this when I met my hubby to be. It was basically coz she knew I wouldn’t be doing things to suit her anymore and being at her beck and call. She was the only one that made comments about him, in my opinion your friends probs a bit jealous coz you’ve been the single one for so long. My friends didn’t expect me ever to meet anyone as was so fussy, they all said how they wanted me to meet someone but when I did totally changed their tune x funnily enough she no longer is my best friend

I used to have terrible migraines and had been to see a neurologist.
To cut a long story short I discovered that the trigger was aspartame which is in loads of stuff.
I now rarely have a headache.
Hope this helps.

Sorry wrong thread 🙈