Friend only appears for big events - odd?

[Mallowmazing]

Wondering if anyone can shed light on odd behaviour of a good friend of mine, as I can’t for the life of me work out what’s going on with her… I’ll call her Cara.

We are part of a close group of 6 friends.

When it comes to one of our milestones such as a wedding or big birthday Cara is almost obsessive about it. She will focus all her attention on the person whose milestone it is - and ignore the rest.

Ahead of the event, she will bombard them with questions and obsess over details.

It doesn’t have to be something huge like a wedding - it could be a baby shower or a 30th. She will focus all conversations around that person like they’re the shining star.

On the day, she will make sure she’s next to the star in every photo and will be very emotional and gushing.

Of course, there will be lots of social media (even if really on the day she got drunk and missed half of it…).

And then… she will just move on to the next event and forget that person until their next big milestone.

It’s quite extreme and it’s annoying to have a friend be so intense on your big day when they’ve been kinda absent for the rest of the year.

Does anyone else have a friend like this?

Any thoughts on what is going on?

Could you gently ask her? Maybe she struggles with relationships day to day due other reasons and so feels she has to overcompensate at big events?

Sounds like social anxiety, especially if she ends up getting really drunk.

And feeling like she has to 'make up' for not being so close the rest of the time.

Perhaps she has ADHD and hyper focuses on the event as a bit of a project?

Could just be a fair weather friend. Some people live and feed on glory and the limelight which smacks of their own insecurities.

Thanks everyone. I think my title should have been “friend only cares about big events”. She’s not shy and retiring.

I’d quote like to ask her about it. But I’m not sure how to ask her without it sounding a bit bitchy?

Opaljewel’s comment rings truest - maybe it is a way for her to get a bit of the reflected limelight.

Just not sure how to handle this sort of behaviour as it is sometimes maddening and sometimes actually upsetting!

It sounds a bit like she’s trying to tick the boxes of being a “good friend” without really getting it. Perhaps her perception of herself as a good person is the priority more than her actual relationship with specific people, if that makes sense?