Hello
I have posted a few times but I am an avid reader.
Since the start of the year ive clicked that the way oh treats me is not acceptable, hes constantly moody, he will give me the silent treatment for up to a week for just disagreeing with him, last weeks reason was i called 2 of my friends up in one evening, both has medical appointments that dsy, but he said i should be with my family and not on the phone. (I could understand if i had a big social network but i dont, altho i have in the past 2 years or so starting volunteering and i think this has impacted as i am not as isolated as previously) this week hes not talking to me again, its just awful i always said i would stay until out child was older but as they are starting to repeat words their father has said it scares me more than anything that they become like him.
We are due to go on holiday next week and i explained to oh that i feel me and out child should go by ourselves and he did not acknowledge what i had said just picked bits of my wording out to say it wasn't just him i am wrong etc. I dont deny i am not always in the right but i am feeling like i am ground down and struggling to breathe.
He is a good dad to am extent but recently not so much. Our child hurt themselves about 4 months ago at school, was in pain so i took them to a & e nithing broken but pulled a muscle and needed to rest, he did not agree and wanted them to go and play sports instead of resting for 2 weeks as suggested by the dr. We had a row because unlike usually (when its me involved) i would give in but it was medical advise we have to follow.
Now our child has a big year coming up so i cant just split up with him now it would be too traumatic for them at this point, i dont think i can hold on until Christmas but i will try until then i am also on probation after losing my job earlier in the year so need to wait until its permanent.
I think this is a big development for me, i decided at the start of the year when i was ignored all the way up until my birthday that that was it, but he showed me he can be nice and changed, unfortunately it was an act and obviously it did not last long.
He does suffer with depression and has been struggling recently but refuses to get help, i try to help but i dont know how to he doesnt want to talk, he doesn't engage with me i feel helpless for him and helpless for me but i will not be helpless for our child.
But the question is how do i leave him?
I know it sounds silly, i just dont know how to break free of him.
If we go away just me and our child i think j will know 100% its over, i mean it should be but i still hold out hope for the man he used to be but its silly clearly he cannot be that man anymore because i have told him how i feel and it does not change or even seem to bother him.
Sorry for the ramblings i just feel so alone and daunted at this prospect of where my life has gone...