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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can anyone top this?

8 replies

ifldw · 04/08/2021 22:37

Making this thread to make myself feel better.. Wondering what is the worst way a partner/spouse has left a relationship with you? Or the worst thing you have found out since the relationship ended?

I will start..

I was with my ex for 20 years, we met at 20, And on his 40th Birthday he left me.

I found out that before he met me (So, about 22 years ago, when we were all 18) A woman started at his place of work, He liked her so asked her out, She turned him down, Then she left not long after for a better job. That was the extent of their time together. They did not keep in touch. Not long after he met me.

Anyway, After a 20 year long relationship which I thought was happy he announced he was leaving me to try to get with the love of his life. He went on to say he had never loved me, Never found me attractive, always thought of her when we were intimate etc, then promptly left me.

He tracked her down, Confessed his undying love for her, and, She turned him down again.

The reason I made this thread at all is because when I moved away after the split I took a suitcase with me, Which I thought was full of clothes, I recently found the case and it had his old playstation in there as well, I decided to put it on for a laugh and it loaded up a game he always used to play. He had named the male character (made up names) Nick Smith, the female character Julie Smith, So I guess he was playing at being married to her? and the Dog character had my name..

OP posts:
Bbub · 05/08/2021 09:51

That last line 😱 that sounds crazy OP

Liveandforget · 05/08/2021 10:04

He sounds so, so odd. You've had a lucky escape I think.

Did he tell you he had declared undying love for her and been rejected?

Monr0e · 05/08/2021 10:08

OP, I hope you are ok Flowers

50ShadesOfCatholic · 05/08/2021 10:13

Gee that's actually sick. What a strange and unpleasant man. Sorry you are going through this 😔

Redcrayons · 05/08/2021 10:13

Oh wow, what a twat, that must be horrible for you.

LOL that the love of his life turned him down again. Don’t let him come crawling back.

todaysdilemma · 05/08/2021 10:34

Ah I'm so sorry OP. But really he's the moron here (and ultimate loser) for spending 20 years of his life miserable with someone (he says) he didn't fancy... at least you had no idea those 20 years and got to enjoy them blissfully unaware his true feelings. Whereas he had to wake up every day feeling like it, and now will spend the rest of his life feeling worse as the fantasy is broken. She definitely doesn't want him. While you will be able to move on and meet someone else.

frozendaisy · 05/08/2021 10:35

So he was turned down again Grin
Think he's got the message yet?

I would tell everyone who knows him who stood still long enough the weird PS naming character story. He is probably still doing it living in la-la land.

Enjoy your free from him life OP.

I have an ex that, after we agreed to stay in touch, it was long distance, sent me reams of emails about his dreams, his interactions with other women, oh god it was cringe-worthy.

RainingZen · 05/08/2021 10:51

Oh my OP that is horrible. I'm really sorry, I can't top that. My worst break up was a partner of 8 years, who I discovered was fantasizing about sexual violence against women including myself, (he was a talented artist and I discovered his secret sketchbook). I promptly left him without explaining why to friends and family, to spare us both the mortification, and he was devastated. I got a call two weeks later from his mum to say that his lovely granny who I adored, had passed away, because family was so busy worrying about my exBF because of my cruel abandonment that they ignored Granny when she said she felt unwell. Oh and please could I attend the funeral and pretend I was still going out with exBF so the funeral wouldn't be upstaged by that particular drama.

Which of course, i stupidly agreed to, because I wanted to pay my respects.

It turns out, it is a bad plan to say goodbye to the family of the man you had hoped to marry, at the funeral of a beloved granny whose death you are basically being blamed for by immediate family (not stated but strongly implied: if I hadnt left, exBF wouldn't have needed his mummy so much, and mummy would have noticed granny wasn't kidding when she said she felt unwell.) It's also never, ever a good idea to agree to pretend to still be in the relationship for the sake of the look of things.

But the pain faded and I moved on.

I hope you can move on too.

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