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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I a commitment phobe?

1 reply

Plutonuto · 04/08/2021 08:17

Hi so I’ve been seeing this guy on and off for a while, he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship so I carried on dating other men. I really enjoyed his company so while I should of cut it off, I didn’t. Anyway he told me he was falling for me but he’s not in the right space for a relationship, after much thought I realised I have a lot of trust issues that need working on before I get into a relationship so I suppose I’m not ready either.

I told him this, he asked me how I felt about him. He said we can just work at this stage, we’re committed to each other, we spend time together like a relationship. But I am in therapy for my issues and I know he’s also working on his.
Am I just being a commitment phobe by agreeing to this? Or is this a silly arrangement? I don’t know why I’m worried I’m happy with how it is and being boyfriend and girlfriend makes me feel a bit panicky because I don’t want to mess it up

OP posts:
category12 · 04/08/2021 08:40

Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

"I'm falling for you - but not ready for a relationship" is such a line.

You're already anxious about messing up something that isn't anything. I don't see that this arrangement is going to do you anything but harm and set you back.

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