Different love languages or red flag?

[Livingt123]

Ive been with my boyfriend for years. We are each others first relationships and got together young so I’m unsure what is normal.

He is quite closed off emotionally but has opened up over the years. He is not very romantic and I discussed this with him recently and he said he does romantic things because it makes me happy. I said would you ever cuddle me, say you love me do romantic gestures because you genuinely want to and he said probably not I just know it makes you happy which surprised me.

I don’t know what to make of that. Surely if he was in love with me those things would come naturally? I know a lot of men aren’t romantic but to say you wouldn’t naturally cuddle me a lot or say you love me seems weird. I asked him what love was to him and he said ‘spending time together’.

I don’t know if we just have different love languages or this is a big red flag?

Do you feel like you are settling?

I am your boyfriend, it's not just men, I'm not romantic, I show love through acts of service while my husband is physical touch. It's not a red flag at all, the fact he does these things to make you happy shows that he cares imo

Both of you are normal. There is no one correct way to be romantic or show love.

I'd guess my love language is also spending time together and conversation. DP's is physical touch, which I'm not that fussed about.

You can make different love languages work if you accept each other for who you are and realise what's meaningful to the other person. Or, if you don't want to do this, you can find someone who shares your love language. Completely up to you, there's no right or wrong here.

Giving your girlfriend a cuddle or saying I love you is not a romantic gesture. Its just very standard behaviour for people in a relationship. Some people just aren't very tactile or demonstrative but I get the impression you think it it something more? Do you think that he is in love with you? Are you in love with him?