I’ve been married for 4 years and we have a 2 year old son and I’m currently halfway through pregnancy with our second child. I just feel like I’ve totally fallen out of love with my husband and like there’s zero compassion or kindness. I feel stressed angry or depressed in his company and happier when he’s not there.
I know I probably sound mad as things must have been ok to get pregnant again but I think I’ve buried a lot of the problems or we’ve blamed them on external factors such as a miscarriage, the stress of trying for a baby, moving house etc and always thought things would get better after xyz when really there’s massive holes in the relationship.
He’s not a bad person and he’s a good dad although I do think he could help more, our 2 year old always been a terrible sleeper and he’s never done a single night so plenty of resentment there. I’d been an abusive relationship before meeting him so I think in hindsight because he was a good person and not abusive I thought that was fantastic but I don’t actually think we’re compatible.
He has major intimacy issues and has been ‘too tired’ to have sex since before our son was born and since then. He doesn’t want sex during pregnancy and finds breastfeeding off putting so there’s no hope of improving that side of things for over a year at least. He’s become very negative and grumpy and victim mentality and I just can’t bear speaking to him anymore but I feel completely trapped because of being pregnant.
I don’t know whether to leave now or wait to make a decision until after the baby is born. If we didn’t have kids I would leave now I feel so unhappy but I can’t tell if pregnancy hormones and chronic sleep deprivation are making things worse. What hit the nail on the head was I recently came down with food poisoning or norovirus and had constant vomiting for a day, I asked if he would take our son overnight as it was every 30 mins and he still said no and didn’t check on me or ask me if I wanted anything during the whole thing. It’s little things like that and even smaller day to day things like if we’re out for a walk and come to a narrow bit of footpath he will never stand back and let me go first he always speeds up and cuts me up. I know it sounds insane but I think it’s death by a thousand cuts..I could stand the lack of sex at least temporarily but it’s the total lack of empathy of kindness. I can be having a good day and I’ll come home and say hi to him and he just has that sullen monotone voice that instantly drags my mood down.