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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

GFs constant comparisons to my ex

45 replies

jones88 · 03/08/2021 13:55

Since ive been with my gf, she has been continuously bringing my ex up and comparing our relationships! Before we even got together she asked me loads of questions about my relationship with ex (under the guise of just wanting to know what kind of a man I am in a relationship etc) and now brings it up constantly!

Example - 'You obviously dont love me as much as you did ex as you used to spend lots of time with her on the phone and you dont with me'. How ridiculous is this? my relationship with ex was 5 years ago!

Example - 'You used to buy ex way more expensive gifts than you do me, are you sure you love me'.

and the worst - 'you must still be in love with ex as you moped around after your breakup, hope Im not a rebound.'

I know I made the mistake of telling her little things here and there about previous relationship when she asked but I had no idea she would use it against me.

She seems very insecure. my gf is the most attractive woman ive ever been with and she has no reason at all to feel insecure. I make her feel loved and have not done anything to make her think or believe I have feelings for an ex who I was in a relationship with ages ago! She did some snooping on Facebook and found the ex and delightfully told me 'you were the way more attractive one in that relationship!'. she constantly asks me who I find more attractive her or ex, whose body I like better etc. I am getting fed up of her.

to shut her up I said to her 'ive never thought of ex more than I have recently due to you constantly bringing her up'. and she didn't like that but CONTINUED!

the ironic thing is that, whilst ive not even spoke or have feelings for ex, my gf was busy talking to her own ex at the start of our relationship when we had a few hiccups. we got past this. at times she brings her own ex up which frustrates me. an example was I told her about an activity near her house which we can do and she said 'oh my ex used to love doing those kinds of things, he would have loved that'. I pulled her up on it and said imagine if this happened in the reverse order you would have gone bezerk and she said it just slipped out.

I just Dont Know why she acts like this. she acts as though she's the only woman I should have ever loved. I have spoken to her about this time and time again, she says sorry but will start a few hours later.

im beginning to think that maybe she is toxic. her life revolves around her looking good and being the best at everything. when she doesn't act like this, im really happy with her and ive never had this strong feelings for a woman before but im just feeling so drained from it all

OP posts:
acatcalledjohn · 03/08/2021 18:02

What's betting she's shagging her ex, and all this talk about OP's ex is just projection?

RandomMess · 03/08/2021 18:08

OMG just run!!

You are just not compatible are you.

Blingstheway · 03/08/2021 18:18

How often do you speak to your ex? Are there children involved?
My exbf made me feel very insecure because he was always on the phone to his ex and used talking about the kids as an excuse. It made me ill because it was made out to be all about the kids. It wasn’t though, it was just an excuse that they made to talk to each other and keep a track on each other’s lives. He would say his actions at the time were loving and caring towards me, spent all his spare time with me and did nice things, he did but there was still something there that meant we couldn’t fully connect emotionally.
I tried but every time she messaged and he went running to his phone on our child free weekends , I couldn’t move forward with him.
Funnily enough, It did stop when she fell pregnant with her new mans child but our relationship was already doomed and I had checked out by that time.
I’m not condoning her behavior but I can understand it depending on your actions.

Beamur · 03/08/2021 18:22

Relationships shouldn't be such hard work.
I think she's being quite manipulative with you and framing it as insecurity.
I don't think it will get better.

jones88 · 03/08/2021 18:27

@acatcalledjohn she's definitely not. the thought has crossed my mind before but im confident its not that

OP posts:
NotaCoolMum · 03/08/2021 18:28

She sounds like a massive pain in the ass

jones88 · 03/08/2021 18:29

@Blingstheway I have not spoken to my ex for over two years let alone seen her!! we didn't have children together, I dont contact her nor do I want to and never bring her up, its my gf who is always bringing her up

OP posts:
Cantdoitallperfectly · 03/08/2021 18:31

Run. She sounds v insecure but not willing to actually sort out any of the issues that are worrying her. It'll not get better and you should be having fun at this stage.

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 03/08/2021 18:32

My love you really need to end it, this isn’t going to get any better...

girlmom21 · 03/08/2021 18:35

There's no way this improves.
Her idea of a successful relationship is bonkers.
The money grabbing would be more than enough of a reason for me to end up.

You say she's the best looking girl you have ever been with but unfortunately it sounds like she has a pretty face and an ugly attitude.

WhatMattersMost · 03/08/2021 18:36

It's time to stop analysing, and justifying your (perfectly reasonable) behaviour, OP. You're already caught up in the web she's spinning. Get out now before you get further enmeshed.

quizqueen · 03/08/2021 18:39

She's far too much hard work and it won't get any easier, so you have to decide if you can cope with that.

Catlover1970 · 03/08/2021 18:58

She sounds very vain and very shallow. You do realize you will never be able to satisfy her narcissistic needs? Sounds totally exhausting - move on she is toxic

1FootInTheRave · 03/08/2021 19:17

She sounds like a complete nob.

Umberellatheweatha · 03/08/2021 19:33

'I thought she could/would change'

Why would you date someone who isn't suitable for you as they are though? If I am dating and find someone to be incompatable for me, I don't hang about on the off chance they will change.

cakecakecheese · 03/08/2021 20:56

Cripes I'm exhausted just reading all that, however are you putting up with it? It shouldn't be this much hard work.

WasThisSexist · 03/08/2021 21:01

Oh my god break up with her. It’s exhausting just reading about it.

Blingstheway · 03/08/2021 21:50

@jones88 ok, sorry I miss understood. How long have you been together?

Raindancer411 · 03/08/2021 22:11

She sounds like she is very materialistic and expected of things. Personally I think it sounds like you deserve better... it will only get worse...

jones88 · 03/08/2021 22:55

@Blingstheway just under a year

OP posts:
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