Sulking DH/ go without

[Saltysea2001]

I have realised that I chose not to do things, rather than tolerate DH being miserable. Last week, on holiday, I really wanted to go for an afternoon walk on the beach. In the morning DH and DS did an activity which I can’t participate in. I waited in the car for 90 minutes, reading, so they could do so. Completely happy with that - because I think that’s just what you do - enable others to do the things they’re into. Then, come the afternoon, DH didn’t want to go for a walk (for various boring car related reasons, I couldn’t go alone and be picked up etc). I could have pushed it - pointed out the quid pro quo, that I was hardly asking him to do something awful (he likes walking). I didn’t because if I had, he would have made the walk awful - he would have sulked and stropped and anything that went wrong (no parking, getting lost etc) would have been my fault. So it’s just easier to let it go. But I’ve realised it’s been a decade of letting things go. But the walk with a shitty DH mood would have been awful, right? So what should I have done? How can I stop this happening again? DS isn’t learning that we do nice things for each other. It just feels all wrong to me.

Why couldn't you go alone. If you want to go for a walk then go for a walk.

Why did you have to sit in the car waiting? He could have taken the bairn to the thing and you could have chilled at the accomodation.

Huffy blokes are a turn off. There would be no enabling from my end I know that.

I would seriously consider if this is a relationship you want to remain in going forward.

What do you want to teach your DS about relationships and what is he learning here?. Do you want to keep on doing your bit here to show him that you let things go because his dad gets miserable otherwise?. No you do not.

Your DH does this because he can and he's learnt that it works for him. His actions are all about power and control over you and in turn your son. He has trained/conditioned you over the years and by degrees to accept this behaviour and behaviour at that which is abusive in nature.

You are being abused, so you leave him.

Oh that's really sad OP. What a horrible man.

I think you have spent 10 years missing out and you need to think about whether you want the rest of your life to be like this or if you would be better leaving.
Imagine how it would feel to just do whatever you want without this selfish, miserable man bringing you down.

Have you ever had it out with him and pointed out what a selfish dick he is?
How does he justify his behaviour?