Final straw

[Mumofoneandanotherontheway]

I don’t know where to go from here.
3 kids & DH is pretty much useless. So many times I’ve heard ‘I’ll change’ or he will start helping out more with the kids and then goes back to his old self. 6weeks holidays for the kids currently (eldest being 6 & youngest being 6m) and he’s on 2weeks annual leave from work & all he wants to do is sit at home! He’s saying I shouldn’t be making plans for while he’s off from work and if I do then he’s not going or doesn’t want to be involved! Like wtf! Childs birthday next week he’s planned nothing, I’m doing all of the planning, present buying, organising…. His input is ‘this is all a waste of time’
Wtf!

Got plans to meet at one of my family members house on Friday & he knew about it & he’s just told me he’s not going!

You leave. It's pretty simple.

You know he's never going to change. So you take control of your life instead of acting like a helpless passenger.

You have choices open to you - ending the relationship is one of them. Why haven't you?

Then don't include him. Plan what you're doing and let him get on with sitting around.

DH was exactly the same, and in the end I thought my sanity was better off just accepting that he wasn't an "involved" parent. His loss, not yours.

DH now mutters that our DC always talk to me....... and that's why.

Yeah, WTF. As in why the fuck aren’t you going to see a solicitor and divorcing?

What’s to stay for?

If I did it (and I never once regretted it) you can.

A better life awaits you without him. What are you waiting for?!

Sounds like it won't be much of a loss if you leave him. One less child to look after. Make some lovely plans for your dc birthday but don't factor him in. His loss. Then make plans to leave

You're already a single parent at this point. I would consult a solicitor re separation and divorce. How fucking frustrating to be trying to dragging around a dead horse

It's much, much easier to do it on your own than it is to do it while watching someone lounge on the sofa.

Sod that. If you don't want to leave, make your life easier. Food shop online, get a cleaner in etc etc. And if he complains say as he doesn't help you will have to pay someone else to pick up his slack, to spend his portion of the time doing other chores/doing stuff with the kids. He can't live in a house and do nothing. Its done by someone, paid or not.

Be honest with him and set a deadline. He gets his act together, checks into family life going forward from today or you will be contacting a SHL on the first day of term. Keep it simple.
In the meantime get everything in order ready to proceed as it’s likely he won’t change a thing.

What do you get out of this?. You likely know deep down this is who he is and he will not change. Stop being a spectator in your life.

Do not stay in such a marriage because or for the sake of your children; they are not going to say "thanks mum" to you for doing that to them.

What do your kids see at home; they in all likelihood see a lazy arse dad and a resentful mum. Its not a good combination for them to grow up seeing. You have three children already; you do not need a manchild.

Literally OP, you’re a single parent.

May as well get the piece of paper (decree nisi) to prove it. You’ll feel better in the end as at least your inside life (what your feelings are telling you) will be the same as your outside life (what your eyes are telling you).

So it's his childs birthday and he thinks trying to give them a great day is a waste of time?

That says it all really doesn't it.