Is he doing this on purpose?

[Sometimesidontknow]

My husband will never tell me if he is running really late at work or if he has decided to go out for a drink after work. I’ve asked him several times just to drop me a quick text to say will be late don’t worry about dinner etc.

I worry a lot because I’m pretty sure he isn’t having just one drink and then he drives home. I’ll end up not being able to sleep as I don’t know what’s happening. When I approach the subject I either get a sorry babe I forgot or a full blown argument that he hardly ever goes out because of me. I don’t care if he stays after work at times but I just want a heads up as I’ll make dinner and wait he doesn’t turn up. He also expects the dinner even if he is extremely late.

I would never do this in return, in fact I don’t go anywhere as he always seems to ruin my nights out and need me to come home.

he always seems to ruin my nights out and need me to come home

Of course he does!

He's abusive, op.

You're being abused. Coercive control is a crime. Prosecution is based on the principle of 'serious harm'.

What does serious effect mean?
Your abuser’s behaviour is considered to have a serious effect on you if:
on at least two occasions you have feared that violence will be used against you, or
you have felt serious alarm or distress and it has had a substantial effect on your usual day to day activities. The behaviour has had a substantial effect on you if it has caused you to change the way you live. For example, you may have changed the way you socialise, your physical or mental health may have deteriorated, you may have changed the way you do household chores or how you care for your children. If you have changed the way you live in order to keep you or your children safe from harm, it is possible that the behaviour you are experiencing is coercive control.

You've changed the way you live for him, you work to his timetable eg dinner on the table whatever time he gets home, saying you owe him constantly, pressuring you to have a baby quickly so you are then tied to him for life.

You are a mother now and responsible for your children as well as yourself. Don't raise them in an abusive home where if a man is the main earner, he gets the final say over his partner's actions.

He's making you feel indebted to him so you are compliant. Can you see how fucked up that is? How a normal person wouldn't want to make someone feel that way?

I would guess he is also sexually coercive and wants you to do things sexually that you don't really want to. Is that the case?

And I would guess he's financially abusive too. Do you have access to money / savings in your own name that you can spend freely?

Has he made it difficult for you to maintain friendships and relationships with family so you now feel isolated and your life revolves around him and the household? Do you have leisure time away from him? He has that away from you, like when he goes for drinks. And then drives.

Do not that think if he hasn't been violent he isn't abusive. If you feel able to answer the questions I've put above then we can signpost you to some appropriate help.

I can't believe you had a baby with a man to pay him back for money he'd spent. It's like something out of a Grimms brothers' book.

I absolutely would not be with someone who drinks and drives. In my opinion they are the absolute lowest of the low . They will willingly put innocent peoples lives at risk purely so they can have a drink. Beyond fucking selfish.
He’s abusive , has no respect for you or anyone else. Everything is about what you owe him.
For Christ’s sake do not have DC with him, you are just giving him another life to fuck up if you do .

The more you disclose the worse it is OP.

It’s about so much more than him coming home late.

I couldn’t stay in a relationship like this. You deserve so much more and you and your baby deserve to be happy.

You'll be ok if you leave him. You only have one child, you have a part time job. Focus on that. He sound nuts. Cutting off his sister shows he has no conflict resolution skills at all. (quite apart from the way he talks to you). He can't discuss anything, he just instantly gets angry. My mother is like this too and your'e pushing water uphill.

He doesn't drop you a text because he doesn't want to. He wants to do what he wants and doesn't care if it inconveniences or worries you.

He wants what he wants and feels entitled to it. It's a transaction. I get you a place to live, you give me a baby, which also ties you to him.

This is classic narcissistic controlling behaviour. It won't get any better because he can't understand anyone's point of view but his own.

You really, really need to get away from this personality. It's not healthy for you or your child. Do you have anyone that can help you to escape?