LeftTB what do I do now

[HolidayDragon]

I have been with H since my late teens and he was in his early 20s.
Married 10 years, with 4 DCs.

There have been problems for years both with our relationship and with the way he parents our DCs.
But I'd always thought he loved me and our family.

Then he got a new job around Christmas he started to behave differently, he went from being a home body to being out every night and going on trips away with work.

At first I was pleased and he was making friends and getting out a bit more ( naive I know) but then I noticed a couple of time that he was cagey around his phone and I just knew so I went snooping and found all these messages from the OW. I was devastated but I tried to hold it together and get everything I needed to leave him. It's like I've been on autopilot. I was just going through the motions. H was so wrapped up in the OW he either didn't notice or didn't care.

I told him last week I was leaving. He kicked off. So I told him I knew about the OW and he just laughed at me. Told me how ugly and awful I am and then told me if I was leaving I could take the kids too (like I'd leave them with him).

So we moved a family members house while I try to get something sorted. But I had already booked a holiday for this week (h doesn't do holidays so it was always going to be me and the DCs)

But now we've gotten here and the DCs are excited to be away and I thought I'd be relieved to be on holiday or excited to be away or even just angry at H. But I just feel lost.

I've been with H my whole adult life and now there's just nothing. I don't know what to do now.

I don't even really know why I'm posting. I was so sure of myself and now everything just feels so weird and empty.

Hi op I was with my husband from 13 until 38. So similar situation.
I honestly think it’s natural to feel the way you are. For just now try not to think too far ahead, just one day at a time. A long term relationship even if it was difficult and not a good one still feels comforting because it’s familiar. Be kind to yourself and enjoy being with your children with no one to spoil it x

Thank you
It just feels so strange. My trying not to get too caught up in my own head because the DCS need me to help them through this. But I just feel so empty like I know I need to sort out a place to etc but at the same time I don't know where to start or if I even want too.

Wow op he sounds awful! How dare he call you names like that whilst kicking off that you're leaving, then demand you take the dc?! You're defo better off without him although it will take some getting used to. Try and enjoy your break with the kids you'll meet someone worthy one day

I know deep down we are probably better off without him . It just feels so strange, the younger DCs don't really understand so they keep asking for him.

What's the score with housing? Was the home you shared rented or did you have a mortgage together?

The house is owned by Hs parents. They usually rent it out but they've been letting us live there cheaply.

We had to move in when h left his last job and he had no real interest in saving to find somewhere else.

Ah, that simplifies things anyway.

I think you need to try to keep going, keep active, keep going through the motions even if you feel numb.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

There is life after - I was with my ex from 19 and it's actually been good discovering who I actually am as just me.

I know it doesn't feel like it now but this is going to make your life better. Being tied to a man like that is not a life well led. If you have a safe place to stay for the time being, take your time and don't make decisions too fast. You will make a lovely little family group.. You will see just how capable you really are.