Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Partner has changed after going on holiday

33 replies

Crumpets123 · 02/08/2021 18:26

My girlfriend (same sex relationship) went on holiday for a week with friends and came back on Saturday. Everything was fine before she left, and we were messaging every day with what we had been up to etc, sending photos etc.

I missed her so much and was counting down the days until she came home. I'm very much aware that being the one on holiday and having lots of fun, I didn't expect her to be pining for me... but she has had a few trips away before in our relationship and when she comes home, I can always feel and tell (and am told) how much she has missed me, is really affectionate and touchy feely, making up for lost time etc.

When she came home on Saturday, I could just feel it wasn't right. She just didn't seem the same, just wasn't acting like she would normally act after being away. Wasn't touchy feely, not even really cuddling up to me in bed that night. It all just felt odd. Obviously in turn I have been acting a bit weird in response and have pulled back too.

Today I decided to bring it up - and she said that she agrees and that she is feeling weird, but doesn't know why or what is going on, just that she feels flat and apathetic. She said she did miss me, but she just doesn't feel like she normally would.

I asked her if she doesn't feel the same about me anymore and she said she didn't know... she said she is confused. She said she feels low about going back to work and the holiday being over, and that she doesn't know how she feels about me

Everything was fine before she went, she was texting me that she was missing me and couldnt wait to come home... so I am just so confused. What do I do now?

OP posts:

myrtlehuckingfuge · 02/08/2021 19:37

I am sorry to read this. I think some space is required. How long have you been together? This last year has been difficult and I suspect there will be a fair few people coming home from holidays flatter than usual due to feeling 'cooped up' beforehand (like me...)

ElizaDoolots · 02/08/2021 19:56

She sounds like she is really struggling and has opened up to you, so as difficult as it is I think you should try to put your worries about your relationship to one side for a moment and focus on supporting her to get better.

StormTreader · 02/08/2021 20:04

My ex did this to me - turned out he'd "met someone special" on holiday. It really was night and day and took him a month to confess, I thought I was going mad.

Shamoo · 02/08/2021 20:06

Yes, sorry OP but my ex did this to me. Turns out she had fallen for one of her friends on the trip. They are now married. Of course it could be something different, but be wary!

Original poster

Crumpets123 · 02/08/2021 20:12

We have talked more. I said that I feel like her saying she isn't sure of her feelings is basically one step away from "I love you but I am not in love with you" she was silent for a long time...and then i said so is that how you feel then?

She said that she loves me, but to her being in love is how you feel at the start of a relationship when you are all over eachother... I said that I felt that was lust, not "in love", she said to her she equates that to being in love. She then said she doesn't know how to describe being in love. She said the way she feels about me has changed over time.

She said she felt the conversation was being blown up, that I was putting words in her mouth, and she is confused. I said that I was asking her questions and just repeating back her answers.

She said she knows she was detached coming home but doesn't understand why because she did miss me.

She hasn't said anything really to reassure me and just seems so apathetic about it all

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 02/08/2021 20:14

Head. Turned.

MushMonster · 02/08/2021 20:15

Give her, and yourself some space.
She may be stressed ( after all we are coming out of a pandemic, and I feel deflated myself!), when I was reading I thought maybe she was coming down with something? But that should not affect how she feels about you, that is weird .... Take a little breader and see if she wants to talk once she is a bit more settled.

category12 · 02/08/2021 20:16

Sounds like her head's been turned.

Original poster

Crumpets123 · 02/08/2021 20:19

One of the people she went on holiday with is an ex- friends with benefits. It's been a good few years since they have even hooked up, but if her head was turned by anyone on holiday that is the only person I would suspect... as they were away camping in an isolated place so unlikely she has met a randomer...

OP posts:

joystir59 · 02/08/2021 20:20

I'd put money on her meeting someone on holiday.

Original poster

Crumpets123 · 02/08/2021 20:22

@joystir59

I'd put money on her meeting someone on holiday.

Why would she act like she doesn't understand why she feels this way? She is a very honest person (sometimes too honest and blunt!) I feel like why would she act all ignorant as to what has triggered it if she has met someone?

OP posts:

category12 · 02/08/2021 20:22

@Crumpets123

Bingo.

Givemebackmylilo · 02/08/2021 20:22

Honestly OP leave before it gets worse.

If someone even questioned their love for me, I'd be walking

Jasmine11 · 02/08/2021 20:34

Sounds like she had what she thought was just a holiday fling, but it's made her unexpectedly reassess her relationship with you. Sorry OP it's a really crappy situation you find yourself in x

category12 · 02/08/2021 20:37

Guilt.

OldEvilOwl · 02/08/2021 20:59

She's lying. Something happened on the holiday

girlmom21 · 02/08/2021 21:02

Sorry OP but I'm thinking she's had her head turned too...

PaddleBlue · 02/08/2021 21:02

Yeah I’d be fairly certain her head has been turned by that person. Most people won’t admit that straight up to their partner, even if they are a very honest/blunt person usually.

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/08/2021 21:04

Suspect she met someone on holiday.

Wishes2020 · 02/08/2021 21:08

She’s been cheating on you while she was on holiday.

Grumpasaurus · 02/08/2021 21:19

The first thing I thought was that she had a little fling on holiday!

arcof · 02/08/2021 21:24

She's saying she's confused cos she's hedging her bets. She doesn't want to end it with you and find out this new holiday romance is going to come to nothing. So she's messing you about while she works it out. The other person is probably messing her about, hence why she is pining and sulking.

Just tell her if she isn't 100% in to it then it's over and be prepared to go through with that even if it's not what you want. It may give her the jolt she needs to wake up (but even then, would you want her back?!) or it may not and then you're free to pursue someone who actually is 100% on board.

suggestionsplease1 · 02/08/2021 21:25

Ask her if there's anything she needs to tell you about her trip away and you may get an idea from her response to that.

PearlFriday · 02/08/2021 21:27

@AnyFucker

Head. Turned.

Yes. Sorry. I think she was honest and didnt get angry because she didnt cheat, but she fell for somebody ....

CarnationCat · 02/08/2021 21:28

Something's happened with someone else I am guessing. She's probably not been honest about it because it was a fling and she doesn't want to lose you. Or she was intimate with someone and doesn't know whether anything else will come of it.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread