Other comparing to DP ex wife

[Rainydayss]

Been with DP for a year and recently met his friends (delayed because of lockdown). He was married many years and divorced 2 years before we met. However why do I think I'm being compared to his ex? he or his friends have said nothing to suggest this - just my paranoia working overtime and struggle to forget about it.

He says Ive nothing to worry about, how happy he is etc. He said he had a happy marriage when we first met and I just assume everything was wonderful with her, which clearly wasn't the case as they got divorced! Someone talk to sense into me and give me a shake...

There’s no actual factual basis to this no digs or comments but you feel insecure, is that right?
You don’t need a shake you do need to cut yourself some slack and be happy with your dp and what he is telling you. Otherwise self doubt will gnaw away at you, eroding your happiness
A good strategy is actually fact check and benchmark what has been said and demonstrable behaviour rather than unsubstantiated feelings

Yes you're right, its in my head. I forget all the positive things which he says and focus on the things that are in my head. Years of feeling not good enough and being made to feel worthless with my ex I guess. Just be interested to know if anyone else has had these feelings of self-doubt and unnecessary comparisons.

Your feeling arise from your experiences,what you’ve come to expect,what you anticipate. Low self worth or habitual experience of being let down will inform your responses and decision making. You can of course change and reframe these things it takes time & effort but is achievable

I have this a bit... and what's weirder is that do's ex wife is widely known to have been pretty horrible, both to him and lots of their then mutual friends... and yet I still get insecure about her... and I don't know why.I almost get a bit of jealousy about all the firsts he had with her I guess that he will never then be able to have with me.
I know it's mad so I keep it to myself but I definitely sympathise with the feeling!

Yes I get that too, all the holidays, family times etc, that they've had together. It makes me feel I have a lot to match up too, it's clearly just in my head, but frustrating none the less

Get yourself some counselling to learn some healthier ways of thinking.

You’re comparing your present to his past, it’s such a waste of time and life is so short.