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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I’m struggling to get over her, what can I do?

4 replies

Phil2020 · 02/08/2021 13:57

It’s been a few months since the breakup and I’m really struggling to forget her, it’s effecting my mental health. I feel that it’s something I’ve done or said that could have initially sparked off the break off.

We haven’t spoken since and I have just recently discovered she’s blocked me on WhatsApp, thinking she might have still wanted to stay as friends hence I had left door opened for her to get in touch at her free will.

Here is some background of the whole relationship and what could have happened.

So We met last year in December on POF. Her dating profile said she was looking for a relationship, which I thought was great! We were dating for roughly 5 months and broke up in the May.

This whole thing started off when we was making love in the morning. She said she couldn’t climax and I said to her “I don’t think I do it for you anymore do I?” There was a long pause, and I said to her what’s up? She said you’ve just took me by surprise.

The reason I had said this is because I had lost confidence in sex! I’ve been on anti-depressants a while and it sometimes has effected my libido!

Anyway, during the course of that day we went out for the day to the beach. I thought we was having a good time together. On our way back she organised a meeting with a friend and I offered to drop her and her friend off at a cafe on the beach before I headed home.

Things then really started to go quiet with her. Days past and she made no effort to message me. I just think the whole thing was very unusual!

Weeks before the break up, I had asked her if she was happy in the relationship and she said yes!

I thought nothing else of it and continued as normal. I even told her I was falling for her when we went on a walk together and she also said she felt the same!

Also what I found a bit strange is that she would get texts and calls from a guy she used to date but they remained friends but she would never answer the phone to him when I was around.

We also booked a weekend away together weeks before the break up had happened and I had then asked her whether she was still going or whether she would cancel so we could get part refund. She said she will let me know. I never heard from her so I contacted the holiday place and found out she checked in! I was so angry I called my bank for a charge back as I had transferred my half of the money into her account. She obviously found out i did that as she got a call from her bank. She wasn’t happy and I dropped the case. Till this day I’ve not had my money back!

She lost her husband about a year ago due to him taking his own life. From what she was telling me, they were in the process of a divorce and she also said she had an affair as the relationship had broken down with him drinking and taking drugs. She was under going counselling for this whilst I met her.

She is also in process of going through an adoption process and I didn’t know this until a couple of months into the relationship.

I really thought the relationship was going well. I would do things for her around her house by doing the odd DIY, gardening, cooking etc. I would help her out as best as I could as that was part of what you do in relationships. I just feel rejected the way she’s cut me off.

OP posts:
WhatdoIsaytohim11 · 03/08/2021 07:02

I’m sorry this happened to you.
Such a lot of stuff was going on in a very short amount of time.

I feel like I’m struggling to deal with my relationship breakdown and I that’s because I remember them as being lovely and kind (in the nice bits of the relationship) but really, all the stress and the pain and hurtful bits outweigh the nicer parts.

She didn’t sound like she was invested in the relationship as much as you did.

I think we both should try to get on with our lives. Try not to think about them and what they are doing.

We both deserve so much better than these types of negative relationships.

Sakurami · 03/08/2021 07:22

It probably was a bit too early for her to be dating but you also sound like you kept telling her she wasn't interested.

Phil2020 · 04/08/2021 06:14

Thanks for your reply. I hope you find a man that makes you happy :)

OP posts:
Phil2020 · 04/08/2021 06:15

@WhatdoIsaytohim11

I’m sorry this happened to you. Such a lot of stuff was going on in a very short amount of time.

I feel like I’m struggling to deal with my relationship breakdown and I that’s because I remember them as being lovely and kind (in the nice bits of the relationship) but really, all the stress and the pain and hurtful bits outweigh the nicer parts.

She didn’t sound like she was invested in the relationship as much as you did.

I think we both should try to get on with our lives. Try not to think about them and what they are doing.

We both deserve so much better than these types of negative relationships.

Thanks for your reply. I hope you find a man that makes you happy
OP posts:
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