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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I get over this

27 replies

p12241342 · 02/08/2021 13:02

Sorry to post on Mumsnet being a dad, but would value some advice.

8 weeks ago I found out that my wife of 20 years had been having an affair for the past 7 weeks.

Im having real trouble trying to move past this as we have agreed to work through our problems and stay together.

In the past 8 weeks I have been told how the "other man" makes my wife happy, he made her feel good and she loved him and that they only slept together once. She was only seeing him for a couple of hours a night and a few text each day for 7 weeks.

I don't know how its possible that she loved him, I personally believe it was lust if even that.

Im trying to get past this as she now says she has made the biggest mistake of her life and she knows now she doesn't love him but wants me and our family.

I know that I have made a decision to give her another chance and stay in the relationship. But all I can think of is, does she miss him, does she have feelings for him still?

She has said every day multiple times that she doesn't love him, she doesn't think about him and she doesn't miss him. She has assured me she wants us back to normal and for us and our children to get back on with our lives.

I just keep thinking what she has done and the fact that a mistake is a one off, but she kept seeing him night after night and coming back home to me. She didn't care about my feelings.

I keep thinking this isn't her and she has never done anything like this before. Its completely out of character.

I need to try and get past this so we can try and move on, but how do I do this when every thing reminds me of what she has done.

Thanks for any advice

OP posts:
Morningsaregreat · 03/08/2021 15:30

It will be a huge effort to come back from this especially as the person is still around the town and either of you could easily bump into him at the shops etc.

SerenShine · 03/08/2021 15:38

I haven't really got any advice I can offer but as a woman who had an affair and seriously regrets my actions, if I can give you an insight or try and help in any way would be happy for you to message me. I know we're all different but I'm not sure if talking to someone who has done this may help.

Take your time and don't rush to make a decision. Be angry if you need to, don't not deal with how you feel.

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