I've posted about my partner before a few times, today we've had another argument (it was my fault though, I do understand why he is annoyed with me and how difficult it is to be in a relationship with me). I am having a bad day mentally, I struggle with severe mental health issues and despite being on multiple antidepressants, anti-anxiety medications and having been on many waiting lists for over 2 years now I am still not receiving any help for those and so I have been worse lately because there's nothing anyone can do which is very scary. I broke down about feeling like a rubbish mum to him, he became very irritated - I do understand that I am irritating - and told me that it's all on me and I just need to get over it because he can't deal with it. I agree that he shouldn't have to deal with it, I know it's hard work living with someone who is so depressed and worthless, I know that and he shouldn't be with someone who makes him miserable. So I said we need to talk later, Im hoping this actually happens because he often pretends nothing is wrong and we don't talk, or we talk and I end up apologising for everything I'm doing wrong and never actually get to say my piece (I'm not denying that I do things wrong, but every single argument goes the same way and if I'm so bad that I do everything wrong then I don't know why he's still in a relationship with me). I'm just scared, we are making each other miserable, but how can I love someone who hates me this much. I know how toxic this all is, I can see it but I still don't want to leave, I think there is something very wrong with me. Even the thought of leaving is like looking at climbing mount everest with no supplies and a broken foot. I don't know where to begin.