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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I think we are going to split up

1 reply

youngandbroken · 02/08/2021 12:27

I've posted about my partner before a few times, today we've had another argument (it was my fault though, I do understand why he is annoyed with me and how difficult it is to be in a relationship with me). I am having a bad day mentally, I struggle with severe mental health issues and despite being on multiple antidepressants, anti-anxiety medications and having been on many waiting lists for over 2 years now I am still not receiving any help for those and so I have been worse lately because there's nothing anyone can do which is very scary. I broke down about feeling like a rubbish mum to him, he became very irritated - I do understand that I am irritating - and told me that it's all on me and I just need to get over it because he can't deal with it. I agree that he shouldn't have to deal with it, I know it's hard work living with someone who is so depressed and worthless, I know that and he shouldn't be with someone who makes him miserable. So I said we need to talk later, Im hoping this actually happens because he often pretends nothing is wrong and we don't talk, or we talk and I end up apologising for everything I'm doing wrong and never actually get to say my piece (I'm not denying that I do things wrong, but every single argument goes the same way and if I'm so bad that I do everything wrong then I don't know why he's still in a relationship with me). I'm just scared, we are making each other miserable, but how can I love someone who hates me this much. I know how toxic this all is, I can see it but I still don't want to leave, I think there is something very wrong with me. Even the thought of leaving is like looking at climbing mount everest with no supplies and a broken foot. I don't know where to begin.

OP posts:
TheFoundations · 02/08/2021 12:39

So I said we need to talk later, Im hoping this actually happens because he often pretends nothing is wrong and we don't talk, or we talk and I end up apologising for everything I'm doing wrong and never actually get to say my piece

Your feelings are being minimised by the person who's supposed to love you most. No wonder you feel like crap about yourself.

There's nothing wrong with you except the fact that you think there's something wrong with you. It's a very disabling mindset, and a way of minimising yourself. So you and him are both treating you poorly, in exactly the same way.

Try this for size. Just say it inside your head, with a bit of oomph: 'There's nothing wrong with me. Stop dismissing my feelings, and start respecting what I'm actually telling you.'

How would it feel to have that sort of voice instead?

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