I've posted/commented before about my relationship. We don't live together, have been together for 7 years and have a 3 year old. It's flat out abusive and I know I need to end it. I'm just dumping thoughts here and also in the hope that there might be contributions to my ducks...
He's violent in his day to day life. Works a manual job and spends a good chunk of the day throwing things and shouting in temper.
On Saturday night we went to a party, on the way home after dropping me off he noticed someone didn't have their lights on. He's an aggressive driver anyway and said all he did was flash the person then pulled in front of them, got out and told them their lights were on. The woman said she had already called the police and she just sat there not opening the window. He said it wound him up so he tapped her lights and got back in his car. When he popped out I said to his son (age 10) that I didn't catch what happened - did your dad call the police? He said no the lady did because we pulled in front of her "it was a hard stop to be fair". When he returned I questioned him and he said that her not winding the window down wound him up. I said to him that women are told to get help if stopped and confronted. She may not have realised her lights were off but he should have just called the police and reported her - not fed into the reason why women are told to call the police! This is not the first time this has happened - a few years ago he had a similar situation but a boxer saw what was happening and knocked him out (He told me it was just between him and this boxer and the boxer lashed out - I found out from his friend what happened really and he doesn't know that I know). He's busted through a door at mine because my DD was crying and I wasn't dealing with her. He had DD in his arms. I haven't repaired the door.
He's constantly plotting revenge on people. A neighbour wouldn't turn their Griswold-style christmas lights off so he put brake fluid all over his conifers and killed them. A plumber left a cardboard box at mine so he was going to get the plumber to his to quote for loads of work then when he's bought the materials was going to give him the cardboard box and tell him to get lost. He has damaged my ex-husband's car because he thinks he doesn't pay me enough child support (this comes from a man who pays me £200 a month when our child's nursery fees are £800 alone!).
I know I have spent the majority of our relationship trying to stay one step ahead of his moods. He is medicated and comes from a very dysfunctional family. It's their way or no way. I stood up for myself once with them (I asked for our DD to be treated equally compared to his DS) and they cut me and DD out of their lives. He said to me they owed me an apology. 18 months later there is still no apology and they have erased us from their lives - but want to him to take DD to theirs on the condition I do not go. They sabotaged all his previous relationships according to his best friend, and he is too weak to stand up to them.
I work with him, managing the day to day function of the business so I am at an advantage when it comes to knowing what the business is worth. Since I have been involved the business has increased turnover by 400%. But he claims minimum wage as an employee with dividends. I also have other clients as I am freelance.
I know I'm not safe if I try to end it - I have already tried to and spoke to the police who said I scored high on the Dash assessment because of all what's happened and that he was previously arrested for DV against an ex although charges were never brought. I'm worried he wouldn't just come after me but go after my other clients by putting bricks through their windows as an example. He's a mechanic and I worry he'll mess with my car.
So - to get my ducks in a row I think I need to:
Get some CCTV for my house - any recommendations?
What can I do business wise legally? I have access to everything so can I have copies for business purposes?
How easy is it to get an injunction?
Nursery are aware of the situation and as he has never picked her up have said he would need to provide photo ID and proof of parental responsibility if he tried to take her.
School called me after the door incident to check I was ok so that was noted.
I whatsapp'd my best friend with pictures of the damage he has caused.
His son's school have got a record of when he had a physical fight with his dad (grandad) as he was so distressed the next day at school.
He sees DD maybe once/twice a week for an hour or so.
He's the standard "nice guy" to people that are not close to him.
The police have already referred me to DV courses which I have completed. Should I call them again and ask for advice? Day to day I am acting normal as I know that this will need to be a plaster-rip type event that could potentially have catastrophic consequences.
Sorry this is so long! As I said it's a combo or brain dump and advice.