Advise please

[Lottiesnanny]

I am 64 years old in a loveless marriage for the past five years.
My husband blames my PTSD and anxiety( caused by sudden traumatic death incident )
I now. Focus all my attention on My family and elderly mother I worry that something will happen to them.
Not all the time I have episodes of high anxiety.
He says he feels neglected and I have no time left for him . In all honesty I thought he was the one person I didn’t have to worry about.
He’s so angry all the time that I don’t want to be around him. We have just had the biggest argument because I rang my mum twice today .For goodness sake sometimes I’m the only voice she hears all day.
I’m so anxious and depressed I feel totally dead inside and the thought of rekindling a relationship with a man who makes me feels this wretched is killing me! Trouble is he has made me feel guilty because he says I have allowed our relationship to suffer because I didn’t make time for him .
😢😢

Get away from this man NOW. You will feel better in the long run.

Go move in with your mum and get a solicitor. Move on, love. Don't waste another minute.

Not so fast! I think you'd probably benefit from counselling.

I asked ,he will not go I went on my own but he would pooh pooh it when I tried to talk about it

You want counselling for YOURSELF, not for him or to save the relationship!

You say that you are anxious and depressed I feel totally dead inside and the thought of rekindling a relationship with a man who makes me feels this wretched is killing me..... This is what you need to address.

I agree, you need counseling. Not necessarily to 'heal' your marriage but to help you deal with the sudden trauma you experienced and thus with your PTSD and anxiety. It's important for YOU that you live a happy and peaceful life. If your husband happens to fit in with that, fine. If not, that's fine too. Get counseling to help yourself first. Then take a look at your marriage to see if you want to stay or leave.

And DON'T talk about your counseling with him. Your counseling is for YOU. Your path to healing is nothing to do with him and he doesn't need to know what you and your counselor talk about. Focus on your trauma and how to heal and/or cope with it, not your marriage or your husband's 'issues' with you. Once you get that part settled, then if you choose to you can focus on your marriage and, with your counselor's help, decide if you want to go or stay. That will be the time to possibly bring your husband into it, telling him he can either be a part of the solution or he will be the 'problem' that you kick into touch.

I'm around your age and I believe that people our age don't have enough time left on this glorious Earth to waste our time being unhappy. People our age deserve to live what time remains to us in peace and happiness.

I believe that people our age don't have enough time left on this glorious Earth to waste our time being unhappy. People our age deserve to live what time remains to us in peace and happiness

I agree.

@Lottiesnanny - please heed this advice

Do you feel better when you spend time away from him?

@Lottiesnanny

I asked ,he will not go I went on my own but he would pooh pooh it when I tried to talk about it

And why were you trying to talk about your counselling with him? He doesn't have to like/approve of/understand it.

OP
Sort yourself out before you make big decisions about your marriage.

Thank you for all the advise .
I have made an appointment to go back to the councillor.
I agree I do need help with my problems, but I don’t want an unsupportive husband in my life.
I am so much happier when he’s not around and that tells me everything .
Thank you again I appreciate the support ❤️

I am so much happier when he’s not around and that tells me everything

This is a gem of a sentence. Recognising your own needs and feelings, and understanding how important they are. It's 'boundaries' in 14 words (yes, I counted them). Apply it to your feelings about anything and everything: recipe for happiness.