My marriage is on the rocks.
Husband is very hard on our children and finds them hard work. I have very different approach and rarely have problems with them. Our 2 yr old is a handful, just the normal demanding tantrums. He gets into battles, I take a more calm and nurturing approach. He says I'm creating a spoilt brat, I think he's ruling by fear. I'm at the point I've told him it changes or I leave.
Everything is always someone else's fault. Tonight I had a 'final straw' moment. Husband got up to go get a drink. As he opened the kitchen door the baby crawled from the far end of the room to the door. As my husband opened it baby crawled in the way and he hit his head on the door. It was a complete accident, he didn't open the door with any unreasonable force, baby is super speedy, these things happen. I jumped up and picked up baby to comfort him as he was crying. My husband blamed me saying I should have stopped him. I said it was an accident no one was to blame. He continued to tell me how I was wrong. I walked off as I couldn't be bothered to argue.
I'm sick of being to blame for everything. Whenever he's in a mood it's my fault, or the baby won't stop crying or the toddler is being difficult. It's like he can't stand us.
He isn't a bad person despite all the above suggesting so. I think he's got some deep routed issues, anger and maybe depression. I've tried to broach this again (we've been here before) but he won't even consider it now. When he's in a good mood everything's perfect. He's a wonderful dad and husband. But when he's in a bad mood everything is just awful. I'm treading on eggshells and working twice as hard to try and keep the kids calm and not annoy him.
Things are gradually getting worse and the bad well outweighs the good. I'm making plans to leave but what I really want is for him to address his issues and be the good husband and father I know he can be. I barely see this side to him anymore. We've been here before and I left and he got counselling and things were great for a good few years but were slipping back.
How can I make him see he needs to change, can he change long term? Or should I just pack his bags?