How do you co-parent with an awful exH

[AnotherGo]

I haven't left yet. But I need to. I spend a long time reading similar stories on here from women with awful husbands and read all the responses....LTB, 'do you want you kids to copy such an awful relationship' 'what are you scared of' etc

And I get all of that.

But if he's so awful and petty and mean....as mine is. How do you co-parent without just basically ruining your kids lives? If I can't bear him...how can I drop my two small children at his for weekends (or whatever arrangement we have) and just drive away? I'm not scared of being a single mum...i'm scared of my children having to spend time with him without me being there to make everything ok. Not because he will hurt them but because he will be vindictive and make life hard as possible which is just gonna be awful for the dc.

Any advice?

Agree, this thread is full of wisdom and should be stickied

I have been in exactly this situation, OP. What I will say is that nothing is as hard as being married to people like this. I have zero expectation of my ex and I was always prepared for manipulative lies about me. eg He told our DDs that we split because I had an affair. (his ego can't cope with the reality) But I'm now eight years down the line and it does get easier.

I agree that although it can be daunting to send them off without you there, the time they spend at home with you will be invaluable.

My ex is so difficult to deal with and "co-parenting" is a nightmare, he is forever messing me about and ruining routines etc (we have had a lot of letting her go to bed in the early hours on a Saturday and leaving me to deal with the fallout on the Sunday)

Saying that, when it is just me and DD it couldn't be better. So peaceful and chilled. She is so well behaved and it is a joy to just spend this one on one time with her. 99% of the time we can just ignore his BS, she goes to school I go to work and we do fun stuff in between. It's lovely. For both of us.

I recommend reading
“When Dad Hurts Mom” by Lundy Bancroft

• which explains about what it’s like for children before, during and after a split due to abuse (not necessarily physical), and how to handle it.

American but very good!

Bump - as it’s such a good thread! I wish you could signpost from other boards, eg this would be useful for many on Lone Parents.