Should I move out now or wait?

[Bakingmad001]

Hello MN,

I’m currently single & due in the next 3 weeks. Father has decided he doesn’t want to be with me and is being vague about wether he wants to be at birth or be there for baby once born. I am staying with my Mum with all baby bits bundled in the corner of the bedroom. The council have found me a private rented place, 20 mins away for me to move into next week. I’m worried about moving, being on my own there while I’m so near my due date. My Mum doesn’t drive and I don’t either. I was originally relying on Father of baby to take me to hospital when the time comes and carry my hospital bag etc. I’m considering staying at my Mums and moving once baby is here. Would you move before or after baby on your own?

First off, Good on not taking any shite off the 'father',he sounds like a useless waste of space. I'd think twice before putting his name on the birth certificate.

My first instinct was to say hold off on the move but actually, 20 minutes away isn't too far. Your mum can catch a bus surely? I think it depends - if you feel that being in your own place might make you miss your useless bastard ex too much and might be harder for you (eg: if your mum cant be there much) then maybe hold off.

BUT dont risk losing out on the property. And care in mind that once you know how to look after the wee one, you might really wish you has some more if your own space as living with your folks can be smothering.

Short term staying with mum might be best...but long term... it's a difficult choice. Provided they can hold the place for you...I think I'd go with: stay with your mum until you have had the baby and another month to recover and get used to things. Provided the council are cool with that. You could even just take the keys,start moving in and go back and forth for a few months.

Lol I think I gave you every possible choice in that one answer xD

I think if you wait until after the birth, you may find you still struggle to move in as the first few weeks with a baby are tough, so you might end up staying on at your mum's for her support and end up risking the tenancy?

Would there be room for your mum to stop with you sometimes at the new place?

Take the place, move as much of your stuff in as you can and stay at your mums until you've had the baby

Take the tenancy, move most stuff in. I think if you get any signs of labour being imminent you should stay with your mum that night, just in case.
Out of interest, as neither you nor your mum drive, how would you get to hospital? I really don’t think you want to be planning for your ex to take you and hoping he comes through, you don’t need that kind of stress and should make a plan to get there yourselves and if he wants along, he can join you at the hospital (if you want that).

Thankyou for the advice, with the hell he’s put me through and all the emotions and hormones going on, I just want to do the best thing that will cause me the least amount of stress now.

I'd get your new home all sorted before the baby's born. There's always a lot to do and it would be a pain to do that with a newborn baby. Take your time over the next couple of weeks and move a bit at a time and get it exactly how you want it.

My feeling is that that guy will want the glory of the birth and it'll be all over social media with him painting himself as the hero and then he won't pay child support (unless legally obliged) and won't turn up on time for visits.

I think I'd move there for a couple of weeks and then at the end stay at your mum's. The last thing you need is for the flat to be taken off you.

I think you need to move into the flat and sort benefits etc else you will have it taken from you??

@Emmelina the OP will obviously ring an ambulance to take her to hospital when she's in labour.

I would move now. It'll be a tonne more difficult moving with a newborn. Xxx

I'd move now. Make it into as much of a home as you can before the baby comes.

I'd move in. Make sure both you and your Mum have enough for the taxi fare and enjoy your baby when they come. Plus you'll start to nest, be good to do that in your new place

It will be easier to adjust to the new home and feel at home there if you move before the birth rather than afterwards. Otherwise that's a lot of changes to go through at once if you delay.

Can you move in now and maybe ask your mum to come stay with you near your due date? Otherwise, like the other MN have said, I'd move most of your stuff to the new place and you and a suitcase stay at your mums until the baby arrives. Hope it all goes well for you x

Don’t loose out on the new flat! Take it and move whenever you want, but for sure take the flat. It will be less stressful moving now then when you have a newborn looking for food every hour.

Taxi to the hospital. Good luck.

Take the tenancy and get everything organised in that house, but go back to your mums for the first couple of weeks after the birth. Even Princess Catherine moved home to mum after her first child. First couple of weeks are hard. Absolutely draining.

Taxi to the hospital.

Give the baby your choice of name and most importantly your surname. Make that a non-negotiable.

Take and demand all the help you need to breastfeed. It will save you so much money.

I wouldn't put his name on the birth certificate. You cannot without him being there anyway.

And child maintenance claim immediately.

@JulesCobb and @Umberellatheweatha

Can I ask why I wouldn’t put his name on certificate? I’m asking as I’m first time mum so I’m unsure what it would mean if he was / wasn’t put on it? Thanks

There will be people better equipt to answer that one than me having not been through it myself. But essentially it's about making your life easier incase he decides to be controlling. For example if he is registered as the father I think he can stop you leaving the country with your kid, should you want to. Not sure if it's the case even for holidays ect... could be talking shit here but hopefully some wiser can clarify better.

Registering him as the father automatically gives him parental rights which means he could interfere with parenting & life decisions you want to make. Like moving away from the area or going abroad (even holidays).

He can still gain parental rights later on if he wants to, and he still is liable for child support if not on the birth certificate.

As you're not married, you wouldn't be able to add him to the birth certificate if you go on your own anyway.

But I wouldn't rush to invite him along. And I'd give your child your surname.

If it turns out later he wants to be involved and proves to be a good dad, you can change the surname if you want to and he can apply for parental rights. But if you give it all to him automatically, and he turns out to continue to be shit, then you're stuck and would need his permission.

Move, if you don't you may lose the property. Find an alternative plan to get to hospital. He is unreliable and naming him on the certificate gives him rights. If he is not at the appointment and you were not married he cannot be registered as the father anyway. Could your dm come over when you are due?

Putting his name on the bc gives him parental responsibility and power over you. He isnt a nice man. That will not end well for you. He can apply to have it put on himself. This requires effort. So he does have options.

Thankyou so much for the info this is really helpful!

I'd move before the birth. ASAP so you don't lose it. Council may find you intentionally homeless if you reject it then move to your mums, they'll see hers as a viable option for you and they completed their duty of care to you.

Move, then you can stay a few nights with your mum after the birth to be looked after. 20mins is nothing.

Thanks for all the advice !
I took the place, got the keys. I’ll move most things so it’s semi ready and keep some things at Mums so I’m with her, for support nearer to my due date.