hi everyone,
my wife and i are going through a very rough patch. We have many differences in how we see nurturing the relationship. I would like to mention some of them. Please advise me, so I may adjust my understanding.
1 - As we go through this rough patch, part of the solution is to express more love to each other. For me, I know what acts of love she is receptive to. For her, she doesn't know what acts of love I'm receptive to, she would like specific instructions of what she should do. In my mind, if you live with someone for years you gain through observation, experience and empathy an understanding of their character enough to know how to nurture it with love.
2 - Gratitude. If one person does something for another, is it important to show gratitude? You do something deeply meaningful for your partner, is it important you feel they are grateful & express gratefulness?
3 - When things get rough. How is the balance of resolving things? In my experience, 90% of the time I'm opening conversation to end the silence and encouraging us to resolve things. Should I just accept this is the dynamic and plough on.
4 - We have 2 children. She is a SAHM. I'm home from 4. I'm very active in the childrens lives. I acknowledge she takes huge load for the children. Should I drop the expectation of the above 1 2 and 3, and instead limit the emotional expectations on my wife to the simple fact she looks after the children at home, and that nothing else emotionally matters towards me?
5 - For gift giving. For me it is very easy to know what she loves for gifts. For her, she says she does not know, and when she gives a gift that i should show appreciation for the gift even if I don't like/need/use it. e.g. I never wear a watch, for a milestone b.day she gave me a watch, and was upset I didn't wear it. I felt the pressure to wear it to soothe her feelings.