What would you do.

[Sarnia1980x]

Recently fed up of OH communication. Tonight hes gone out since evening, doesn't pick up and has done this a few times in the past few weeks sometimes doesn't even tell me he will be home late. Ive spent weekend at family's as hes constantly working and i needed a little break..

He was very much like this few years back aswell, drinking with mates, not keeping me updated etc

Is this supposed to be normal
I feel like i dont even trust him as he has lied few times about where he was going in the past also.

Fed up just feel like ending it with this man

Deffo not normal, my DP is practically never unavailable except at work and even then he’ll get back to me at the earliest opportunity.

You should have ended it years ago because nothing about this is normal or acceptable. You've wasted enough time.

Why do you stay?

You deserve better

I don’t send updates when I’m out with friends , i like to be in the moment

But he should give you a rough est. of what time he’ll be back

Why do you want him to keep you updated on his night out? If my dh was phoning me on my nights out just for an update, I would ask him why he was being so controlling all of a sudden.

By 5am?

A night out is reasonable til 2ish, longer than that and he should have said.

Well, having done a back search it seems you should take the children, pack your bags and leave.

What a horrible man.

If everybody came back and said 'Yes, it's normal', would you then be happy?

I doubt it. Normal doesn't exist. Everybody does things differently, and likes/dislikes different things. This is about you. This is about you respecting your feelings.

You're not happy with his behaviour. Tell him. If he continues, then his behaviour is more important to him than you feeling ok. We all need to be with someone who prioritises us feeling ok.

The first person who needs to prioritise you feeling OK is you. You're not doing that. Start there, and then minimise time with anybody who doesn't prioritise your wellbeing.

I guess im just being to nice. By always letting it go

He got in at 6 and still didn't tell me just said im to tired.
Fed up with lame excuses

So end it. He's got no respect for you or your relationship.

Are you really "too nice" or is it poor boundaries and a sense you don't deserve any better?

Yes ive gathered over time his lack of respect for the marriage is zilch

Hes been ignoring my texts and just telling me how im controlling. Distressed

I'd leave.

I'm not prepared to live with someone someone who lacks the basic courtesy to have a conversation with their partner, check they are happy for you to go out and have the manners to let their partner know a rough time they will return.

Your partner might as well sing I COULDN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU. I WILL DO AS I LIKE WHEN I LIKE! FUCK YOU! NOT GOING TO EVER FUCKING CHANGE!

Based on this one post alone I'd be suspicious there weren't OW or something else like that involved because 5am nights out when you're married just isn't right.
Let alone a back story.

@Sarnia1980x

I guess im just being to nice. By always letting it go

He got in at 6 and still didn't tell me just said im to tired.
Fed up with lame excuses

What's the advantage, to you, of being nice to him like this, and letting things go? What do you do it for? What do you get (or hope to get) out of it?

He just tells me' your rustrated n acting. Its not like im cheating, im jist with my mates etc'

He doesn't apologise either

He just tells me' your rustrated n acting. Its not like im cheating, im jist with my mates etc

That's what he thinks of your response. What do you think of your response? Do you think that other people might feel the same way, if they were in your position?

@TheFoundations that's his response when I've asked is your behaviour normal, would you expect this from me

Yes, you're focusing very much on what he says.

I'm asking what do you think of you.

What he says is irrelevant to your own opinion of yourself (or your own opinion of anything else)

I feel like im a push over @TheFoundations

@Sarnia1980x

I feel like im a push over *@TheFoundations*

So what are you going to change?

It's not normal or respectful for a partner to bugger off all night like this.

Are you dependent on him?

@Sarnia1980x

I feel like im a push over *@TheFoundations*

Have you got a part inside you that isn't a push over? A bit that says things like 'Hang on, that's not fair!' and 'WTF? You should have told me this before!' and 'You're such a shit communicator! How am I supposed to feel secure when you treat me like this??'

Even if she never comes out, do you hear her, inside your head? Do you feel her responses in your body, when she gets pissed off an anxious?

I understand my relationship isn't healthy for me. It's the love from my side keeping me to stay. I feel like im going to break my family. Will my kids resent me?

My family make me at fault
My mind just doesn't seem to work.

How do i get myself out

She exists yes, knows she deserves better but can't get myself to move on. Don't want to feel least important anymore @TheFoundations