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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He’s not ready for a relationship…..

40 replies

Talkingnow123 · 31/07/2021 23:23

So what to do next….
There’s a guy I was involved with years ago - we’ve recently been in touch again. He says he still has feelings for me but isn’t ready for a relationship. We’ve met up a couple of times, nothing happened. I’d like to give things a go but have no idea if things would work. . He’s said some confusing and slightly disturbing things - ie comparing me to a drug and that he’s in recovery.
I’m wondering what to do next… Maybe I should cut him off altogether?

OP posts:
Talkingnow123 · 02/08/2021 18:55

Thanks for all your comments. Still doing well - no contact 👍

OP posts:
PearlFriday · 03/08/2021 08:47

say to yourself ''mixed messages are not for me''.

I wish I'd followed that advice when I was younger.

litterbird · 03/08/2021 08:54

You have already had a thread running about this guy a little while ago and the answers were the same. He has already told you he doesn't want a relationship so he doesn't want a relationship. Its really that simple.

MushMonster · 03/08/2021 08:58

Say good bye for good. Delete phone number.
He is being bitter sweet, so you hang around for the sweet, but do not expect to be given more of it.
He will just waste your time.
Move over, and get to know someone else.

Talkingnow123 · 03/08/2021 10:32

@MushMonster thanks, yes I’m sure you’re right. I’m going to try to meet other people 🤞

OP posts:
kurtney · 03/08/2021 10:35

@litterbird

You have already had a thread running about this guy a little while ago and the answers were the same. He has already told you he doesn't want a relationship so he doesn't want a relationship. Its really that simple.
This. And I'll say what I said on your other thread. Block him and don't look back.
litterbird · 03/08/2021 10:37

@kurtney I think the OP is ignoring all the posts that hi light she has written about this guy before.

kurtney · 03/08/2021 10:49

@litterbird agree. What's that's saying?

'The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result'.

Or maybe 'same shit, different day' 🤣

bathsh3ba · 03/08/2021 10:52

I'm going to put a slightly different slant on things. It certainly can mean all the things people have said before.

But sometimes, just sometimes, it really does mean 'now isn't the right time'.

And sometimes, just sometimes, with time things change.

That's been my experience with my current boyfriend, where it was push-pull for some time, he would run away, come back, say he wasn't ready, run away, come back etc. It took about a year, during which we both kept going on dates with other people, before he finally really was ready. And since then it's been fine.

That said, although we still haven't had sex (religious reasons), we would never meet without the night ending in a kiss. The physical attraction was very definite on both sides. If that isn't there, it may be less likely.

But it's a long game and may not come to anything - your decision if you want to leave the door open or close it irrevocably. I'd recommend walking away for now anyway - it shows respect for what he has told you and respect matters hugely to men.

Rainbowqueeen · 03/08/2021 10:54

Dont just block, delete his number.

Time is precious. Wasting time on this guy who doesn’t know what he wants means you are not having time to spend feeling good about yourself and living your best life. Doing the latter means you are more likely to meet someone who wants to be with you and makes it clear that’s what they want. Don’t settle for less

Talkingnow123 · 03/08/2021 11:24

@bathsh3ba thank you for providing another view on this. I’m pleased things worked out for you 😊

OP posts:
thenewduchessofhastings · 03/08/2021 11:29

He just wants to use you for sex.He can't say to "I want to just sleep with you whenever I feel like it" as you'll say no as most of us would so he's using this manipulative emotional "I'm so damaged" routine to keep you interested and less likely to turn him down for sex.

Time to go no contact with him.Chuck this one back in the sea.

FreeBritnee · 03/08/2021 11:32

He wants regular sex without commitment. It’s honestly as simple as that.

Chocaholic9 · 03/08/2021 12:01

@Talkingnow123

Thanks for the comments. I’m not sure it is actually just “with me” as he says he left his last relationship due his issues. However I know that doesn’t make him an any better prospect! It just hard trying to “delete” him from my head.
You delete him from your head by not seeing him, and not speaking to him. It doesn't happen otherwise. I was in exactly the same situation as you 7 months ago. Now I barely think of the guy I was obsessed with. If you walk away, it will fade away. Do your future self a favour and walk away.
FinallyHere · 03/08/2021 12:45

He is being honest. He doesn't want any of the strings snd responsibilities like treating you recently that come with a relationship. He is promising you nothing.

Take him at his word and find someone else, who really wants to be with you.

If you hang around anyway, you are saying that you don't mind being treated badly, you will put up with anything. You will not be in a relationship of equals, you will have given away your power. Don't do that.

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