I just don't know what to do. How do I forget this man and sort things with my DH?

[vconfused]

I have used MN for years and it's the only place I can come to where I see sound advice when I can't talk to my friends. I am hoping someone will be able to give some advice.

My situation is that I am married with two children. Things started to go wrong between my husband and me about 18 months ago. We had various pressures on us and we broke up for a few months recently. Our children continued to live with him for various reasons. Now I live back at home, mainly for the children.

A few months ago I became involved with another man. He is not suitable for me at all and has emotional problems, but nevertheless I have fallen for him a little bit and I can't get him out of my mind. I have finished contact with him so that I can try to get things back on track with my DH. This man was into me, but I think was hoping that I would dump my family, and that is never going to happen!

I really want to fix things with my husband, I don't want to be with this other man - but how do I stop thinking about him? I know I would never be happy with him. And I want my DH and children and I to be a family again but I don't know how to un-do all the damage...
Any advice?

Really sorry for the multiple posts

, this situation happened to a girlfriend of mine and spookily, from what you've said in your op, to the letter.

They struggled for ages after she went back home but eventually got some counselling, not only as a couple but also individually; they are very strong now and he even admits that it was the best thing that ever happened.

She benefited enormously from the personal therapy, as did he as they addressed the initial issues with the problems in the marriage pre the affair, also the 'affair' excitement (withdrawal from) with her and the betrayal issues he had subsequently.

All the very best and I hope you manage to sort it out .

It sounds a cliche but the memories of this man will fade with time. Well done for trying to make it work with DH. You must look forward, not back. Best wishes xx

Thanks - I hope I will be able to forget this person. Unfortunately I get attracted to unsuitable types.

Me too, but nowadays I only lust after them and think lusty thoughts! After 15 years I never think about past 'unsuitable' - have made it work with lovely, 'suitable' DH, but Mr Unsuitable still turns up in my dreams sometimes. Ho hum. Look forwards, forwards, I say...Made bed, lie in it etc. Today's reality is much nicer than unknown path & problems with Mr U.

me too

I am going through this atm vconfused. Because of work things DP can't have any couple counselling for another 6 months so to keep me on the straight and narrow I am going to go on my own until then. I think if I have a regular debunking slot, where I can put my intensely strong, but intensely wrong, feelings into some kind of perspective, it might help me a) find out why I am doing this - this might help with you - your unsuitable man thing and b) help stop it happening again.
Could you do similar? I'm not saying that it's a panacaea, more of a safety net. Good luck.

Thanks, I'm feeling a bit better and the thoughts of this person are indeed fading a little...

Have you thought about trying to spend time together without the kids and "dating" again? Do you get any time on your own as a couple? This would help you rediscover each other- do fun stuff together and try to hold on to what brought you together in the first place.
You need to be honest with each other about what went wrong so that you can put that right- and not just repeat it all 6 months down the line.
Just make a list of the OM's bad points and read it every day- and make a list of all your husband's good points and do the same!
But you really do need to know if you have come back just for the kids- as that's what you seem to say- or if you really want your husband. If you can't be sure of this, you might be tempted again, so maybe some counselling for yourself would help?