Struggling to deal with change if personality when his kids are here

[Ripley1977]

What do you do when your OH kids are here? I'll be honest it doesnt help Its that time of the month but it does my head in when his kids are here I'm basically invisible, apart from "where is this or that" or "we're going out now" type thing. It's like he becomes emotionally detached from me, I find it really upsetting.

He's only allowed to see them eow and half the holidays so I do understand by the time they are here he's desperate to be with them... I Just dont understand why our relationship has to change so much, I feel like a lodger or something like that.
Has anyone gone through this and how did you deal with it?

OP do you see this as something that will get better? Is your dp open to therapy to process his nrp guilt? Does he think what he's doing is ok and does he becomes defensive if you bring it up?

Hi OP. How about the next weekend they are there, making a not of actual incidences where he does it. Concrete examples. I realise that may be trickier as often it will just be a feeling, but if you are able to sit down with him afterwards and constructively tell him what he did and how it made you feel, then you might get somewhere.

He should be a grown up enough to realise that everyone will be better off if they are all included in the weekends.

Thanks all.. yes I hadn't thought about some of the points you've raised, I only ever really saw it from his point of view, how hard it is for him and the kids and needed a rant I guess, I just felt guilty even having these feelings but seeing it in black and white makes it easier to deal it.
I've suggested we go and see a couples counsellor, he said it "could be a good idea" so we'll see, I dont see a future for us without it. It had got a lot better after I'd talked to him about it a while ago, just slips back into old habits and I feel like an idiot. I think now I've got advice on here and you've not all told me I'm batshit (lol) I dont feel so alone in my thoughts, feeling a bit stronger!

Sorry for the waffle, it was a bit rushed, house full this week and in a confused headspace at the moment

@mewkins that's a good idea, I'm going to start doing that