His mom doesn't like me

[Maya334]

Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum but I think this will be a safe place for me. Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year. We're in a long distance relationship (2 hours away from each other) but I am convinced that I have found my soulmate. The only person that recently started getting in our way is his mom. I met her after our 5 months of dating because SHE wanted to meet me. Everything was great, she was so kind to me, I have been polite, respectful and kind as well. Everything seemed to be fine and i thought i "passed the test". Extra information: my boyfriend is soon going to start his last year of college, he still depends on his parents and he lives with them. They pay for his college. Recently I noticed that my boyfriend couldn't see me because his mom isn't allowing him, she expects him to listen to her always because he is living under their roof. My boyfriend has very controlling parents and he's depressed because of it and he can't wait to finish college to move out. I asked my boyfriend "do you think your mom hates me and why" he said "I don't know, I'll talk about it tomorrow". To my surprise she never liked me from the start, she just put one of her masks and pretended that everything was fine. She said Im a "bad influence" and that my different nationality bothers her a lot. Everyone who knows me, knows that I'm very kind hearted, polite a bit shy. She didn't even give me a chance to truly get to know me, and I don't think she will ever. His dad doesn't have a problem with me but his mom does. My boyfriend says that it is a very difficult situation, but he doesn't want to give up on our relationship because he loves me so much. He said to his mom "please don't get too much involved in our relationship, it's not your place" but I don't think she'll listen. What should I do? I love him as well and want to keep going but how do I deal with his mom?

Hi, this is tricky because it could go either way.

He needs to get college finished then escape. If he can emotionally get away from his mum it could be fine.

However you need to be aware this could cause real problems - if he can't emotionally detach then don't blame his mum, that is his side of the issue, and could make it pretty hard going.

You sound young and this is a new relationship. You have time to see what happens. But don't kid yourself if HE doesn't detach, because otherwise you'll have that nightmare in your life long term. Plus he might be the same with any future kids.

And for now, just ignore and avoid her as much as possible.

Oh, and there's nothing wrong with you, so don't be thinking about that side of it.

Oh tricky. Let him finish college. Then your dB has a choice his mum or you. Don't wait around indefinitely for him to make up his mind. It's his issue not yours to solve. BTW you sound lovely his mum is a fool.

Hello OP, yes you do sound lovely, and can do much better than this guy, yet another one ruined by an interfering mother.

Unless he's under 18, the mother has no business doing what she's doing. But she's clearly the overbearing type that thinks she owns her son because she's paying for his college so gets to dictate his life, which she's already mapped out in her head. I feel very sorry for both of you: him because he's going to have to face up to her at some point, if he ever wants to stand on his own two feet, and for you, because she will be working against you behind the scenes to ensure your relationship fails. She's also xenophobic/racist by the sounds of it. A real snake in the grass.

Set your boundaries and keep them strong.