She’s 21yo lives at home, uni student at local uni. She’s been very down on and off for a couple of years, before lock down. She has had some awful things happen to her.
Had a bf in sixth form who she says was physically abusive to her. She was also raped at a uni party before covid. She says the GP has diagnosed her with ptsd and disassociation disorder. She isn’t on any medication, says she doesn’t want to take anything, don’t know if the dr has recommended it or not.
I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with her all the time. I’m worried sick about her and just don’t know how to make things right or if they can be. We’ve paid for private counselling before which I’d thought had helped, I’ve offered to pay again but she hasn’t taken me up on it.
This might sound horrible and I really don’t mean it to but I do sometimes think that maybe she has a bit of a victim mentality and unintentionally makes mountains out of molehills/sees the worst in people/situations. I get that could be down to her mental health.
Like the boyfriend who she said was physically abusive in sixth form. The story started off he pushed her away when they had an arguement and now you’d think she’d been beaten for months the way she talks. She started dating a boy a few months ago, then there was some sort of argument, she ran out the house, he ran out the house after her as he was worried about her and she started screaming that he was making her feel unsafe, etc. So then went into a downward spiral about how abusive he was. His friends tried to explain he was just worried about her (it was 2am) so now she reckons they’re just as bad and has cut them all off.
Then she went in a date with a lad she knew at work. He said thanks, but didn’t want to see her for a second date….as happens. She was sobbing for days saying she had trusted him not to be like this, she’d known him for months and didn’t think he’d be like everyone else. 🤷♀️
She frequently tells me I’m abusive and that I shout at her “all the time”.
So she’s seemed ok for the last few days. Was excitedly making plans for next academic year last night, telling me about stuff. Went out to work this morning and came back snappy and moody (she can be terrible). Walked through the door into a full rant at me about how I needed to,cook her some lunch, that I neglect her, etc. I was just going out to work and said I didn’t have time to cook but leftovers in the fridge, etc. She carried on ranting about how there’s no food in the house for her (not true, there loads) and I admit I was snappy back at her when I said there was plenty of food . She immediately kicked off that I was being a nasty fucking bitch and shouting at her. I hadn’t shouted but had been firm/emphasising my words.
I went to work. Came home. She seemed better, we watched a bit of tv together. She was talking about plans for holidays with a friend next year.
Just came downstairs to find her standing in the kitchen crying. She says she wants to kill herself, she’s sick of living, if she had pills she would do it, etc. She refuses to talk to the GP. I asked her what’s wrong. She says nobody cares about her, I don’t care about her, she just feels numb about life, even when she’s with her friends that she feels nothing (she had been laughing and joking earlier). She says I’m Abusive and shout all the time. That this isn’t a normal family set up and it’s toxic (just me and her dad here and we get along fine). She says she was going to move out and not tell me but now thinks she might kill herself instead. Or she might not kill herself but might just leave and cut me off. She’s frequently said when she leaves home she will never see me or dh again.
I’m not trying to make it about me but sometimes I feel she’s emotionally abusive to me. She can be vile the way she talks to us. I let her talk to me like shit most of the time because I’m scared of her reaction if I pull her up on it. But she’s like it briefly and then she’s fine again.
We have bent over backwards to get her stuff she wants, I know material things don’t buy mental health but she’s wanted for nothing. She’s had a stable upbringing. Me and dh aren’t exactly The Waltons, we get on fine but we’re not a lovely dovey couple and in the past she’s commented on that saying we’re fucked up. But we’re both quite happy. 🤷♀️
I just don’t know what to do….I’m worried. Can’t do anything. She’s self harmed in the last. She’s taken a very small overdose before. She said last week she thinks she has an eating disorder and is making herself sick. She won’t go and see the gp, won’t take medication and seems to hate me.