We were 50:50. That's how it started.
Started as rolling 3 days at each. Which was a nightmare for childcare and work. But ds struggled not seeing the other parent for longer than 3 days.
Then we had almost set days. But 3 nights one week, 4 nights the other week.
Dd is now 17 and knocked that on head a while ago. He has had 3 live in fiancé's in 5 years. Dd got fed up by the 2nd set of step siblings she was expect to live with.
Ds still goes but has slowly reduced the amount of days he stays. He is only 10.
Their dad is good at making ds feel bad if he doesn't see him. Ds repeats that he doesn't want to go, but feels sad his dad is currently on his own. But as soon as his dad has another girlfriend, ds will be here more.
50:50 is great on paper. In practice not so much.
Clothing has been a real issue. For example ds really wantd some trainers, fairly expensive but I got them for his birthday. They disappeared at his dad's, even though his dad denied it. They turned up this week hardly worn and didn't fit him. The only shoes he had as his dad's were wet.
Exh often sends him back in clothes that don't fit. So I bin them and send him back in ones that do. Also, exh can't be arsed with remembering things for school. Swimming kits etc.
I have to have spares and live opposite the school so often have to drop stuff off on days exh has taken him to school.
Also have spares of lunch boxes water bottles etc. Because they rarely get remembered. During this school year I have made exh detour and go back to the school with stuff. Just tobtry and stop this.
Its very sad, because he was actually a good dad when were together. But now, he isn't so fussed. But remains convinced that if ds stops going I will claim cms.
I won't because he is self employed and barely earn anything on paper. I earn well so put money into savings for them anyway.
My biggest tips are, pick your battles. They will do things differently. Take some time and think is there anything you can actually do about it. If you speak to them and they disagree and carry on, would a family court even care.
Like they won't care that exh keeps moving in with different women. Or that he keeps introducing new women. So I keep my mouth shut and just support the kids.
If you can be flexible, do be. Don't say no to a change just because. But don't Also accommodate all the time if it causes you issues.
And listen to the kids. Don't let them see you are mad or upset at the other. Just support them. Grit your teeth. Ds at first felt he couldn't say anything about his dad, to the me. Mundane things like if they had been to the beach. I kept reassuring him I wanted him to happy with his dad. His happiness was my main goal.
We have got through it. Ds is very close to me and his sister and really does open up to us. It makes it easier, to deal with issues and sort things for him.
This is all based on an ex who is a dick though. But I think my tips would still help.