He broke my heart and now he's made I don't want to be friends

[livelylass24]

I've been with this guy on and off for 18 months. I love him deeply and he said he loved me too.

He is so hot and cold with me I don't know we're I am and every time I distance my self he pulls me back.
We work together so it's just dreadful for me. I tell him I want him and he says he can't commit. So I ask him to leave me alone so I can't get over him and then he won't leave me alone. Today I begged him not to keep coming to me and we couldn't be friends.

He got so angry and told me to get out of the car then he drove off and blocked me.

How can he thing we can be friends when he has broke my heart.

He's a manipulative arsehole. He's likely doing this because he's bored, seeking validation, can't make up his mind, or some other unpleasant reason. You will be better off without him & I suspect you know it. You need to blick him

Can you get a new job or transfer to a different department? For the moment, try to maintain a professional distance, minimum conversation at work. Don't let him in. Don't give him any excuses. Keep reminding yourself what a wanker he is & how much he's hurt you.

Sorry for the typos, my tablet hates me.

What were you doing in his car in the first place? Just leave him blocked. If he unblocks you, you then block him. Block him from all your social media. Be courteous at work if you do have any direct dealings with him. Otherwise ignore he exists. Stop allowing yourself to be reeled back in by him. He treated you like shit - let this be the last time.

Don't get addicted to the push pull drama cause you'll seek out and create this with other relationships too.

Is he a colleague, or is he senior to you / your boss?

Just a on the same level as me job wise. I'm due a promotion so I'm not giving my career up. I'm so lost I love him so much.

If you don’t want to spend time with him
(And I completely agree you shouldn’t), what were you doing sharing a lift with him? Your words say one thing but perhaps your actions say something else?

He’s having his cake and eating it. He’s not a good person, he’s manipulating you and ignoring your boundaries.

What do you love about him? He sounds like an arsehole.

I met him to talk. Of course my actions say different I love him deeply he doesn't want to commit so I'm asking him to leave me alone.

He’s pissing you about for some reason of his own. Just get rid and stay rid.

Even if it was an amicable breakup you'd need some time apart before becoming friends, realistically. This isn't particularly amicable though, and I think you're best off with a clean break, burning through the shitty hard part (we have all been there but you will come out the other side) and moving on completely. This push-pull approach is not a nice way for him to treat you and will only continue if you try and stay in touch. It's hard but I'd suggest blocking him back and then you're not waiting to see if he unblocks you.

He has said he can't commit for whatever reason, take him at his word. He can't commit. Or at least (sorry, this will sound harsh) not to you. You deserve someone who does want to commit to you. You won't find that while this is going on.

Keep contact at work civil and absolutely minimal. No accepting lifts, going for lunch, any of that.

Depending on your circs I might even consider looking for another job. Obv don't jeopardise a great career opportunity to do so, just grit your teeth but if you're in a tide-you-over sort of job, or you can find similar work elsewhere I might be tempted to do so. It could even be an impetus to look for a promotion and concentrate on work for a bit.

If he liked you, then he would accept what's best for you is to cut contact to what's needed professionally until you have "recovered" enough to be friendly.

But he is enjoying the drama of having you wanting him too much to cut contact. He doesn't care about your feelings enough.

Cut contact.

Be prepared for him deciding he adores you as soon as you have a date with another man.

Sorry, some crossover re you being due a promotion but the point still stands if you can find that elsewhere.

Any chance you can take some time off? Entitled days off I mean.
A break from his manipulation would be so good for you.
So sorry you are going through this xx.

No good will come of this

Ah it's a nightmare that scenario. I ended up falling for someone I worked with. It was brief and over before it began buy seeing her every day afterwards was nearly impossible. Eventually she left and it became easier. For ages she would send the odd random text and put me right back in that unreasonable unrequited state. You have to go total no contact to stand any chance of moving on. I've had facebook requests from her 9/10 years on just delete them now. Really tough one, I don't get this let's be friends lark...I've got plenty of friends thanks!

met him to talk

With all due respect what's the point? He'll only continue to hurt you. Please put yourself 1st, don't put yourself at mercy to his games. You sound smart and articulate, concentrate on yourself and your career and don't let his presence weaken you.

Sorry OP, he sounds very manipulative. If he has shown himself to be uncommitted and unpleasant then you need to try to ignore him and move on. It's a horrible situation, but don't let him draw you back in. It sounds like he enjoys the game/control.

Block and ignore him.
Don't meet to talk to him or talk to him at all except for hello and goodbye at work.

Will you be his boss when you're promoted?