Relationship & sex

[5eekingadvice]

I don't want to make this all about me because it isn't.

A while ago, my partner thought I was cheating in her. It looked very suspicious but there was a genuine reason. New phones and technology are something to be very mindful of.

Anyway after a rocky year, it almost ironed itself out or at least I thought it has but it hasn't. Our sex life went from being very good at the begining over 10 years ago, to about once a month about 4 years ago to now being twice so far this year!

In the beginning, we would kiss, cuddle and play with each other. Now, there is no foreplay - there is no intimacy of any kind. When I try to initiate anything, I'm pushed away. Recently, I was told all I want is sex.
To be honest, I do but I also want to be back at that place where we had a bond and we would hold hands.

A while ago, I even made the conscious decision not to try to see if that would try something - it was the opposite, it went completely dry.

I'm not ready to give up. I love my partner and I miss having sex with her.
I would like to have more kids. We currently have two but at times she isn't interested or blames me for not coping.

I know I'm not the easiest of people to get along with but I do try.

My question is, can anyone fine me advice on what I should do. How can I bring the spice back.

How old are your children? Are you splitting all the childcare, chores and life admin equally?

Have you had a proper conversation with her about it - not in bed, that's too much pressure.

Sorry to hear about this, I had the same situation with my ExW (turned she was having an affair).
I think the lack of sex is probably an indication of other issues, within your relationship that you are not understanding or seeing,

I love my partner and I miss having sex with her.
I would like to have more kids. We currently have two but at times she isn't interested or blames me for not coping.

Maybe you should forget about sex for a while and have a think about the state of your relationship and have a conversation about how she is feeling about you right now

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

How old are your children? Are you splitting all the childcare, chores and life admin equally?

Have you had a proper conversation with her about it - not in bed, that's too much pressure.

This.

Problems with sex indicate there are problems elsewhere. She has already told you herself that she thinks all you want is sex.

Do you have conversations with her? You mentions she blames you for not coping? How much do you do to care for your children and look after your home, or do you leave it all to her?

Have you asked her what you can do to get your relationship back on track? Have you taken the kids out to give her a break without needing to be asked? Do you do housework without being asked or reminded? Do you take her out without expecting sex when you get home? Somethings to consider.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

How old are your children? Are you splitting all the childcare, chores and life admin equally?

Have you had a proper conversation with her about it - not in bed, that's too much pressure.

Yes are splitting everything equally, I feel I have turned into my other half's mother and he is my needy son, total turn off! I am not having an affair and would probably leave if not for children!

Could you expand on "blames me for not coping" and "I know I'm not the easiest person to live with"?

I've no desire to jump on you and tell you it must be you that's the problem but I agree that sex problems usually tell you that something's not right elsewhere in the relationship (often that resentment is festering) and, like some other PPs, I am wondering how much heavy lifting those phrases are doing!

Sorry, "not the easiest person to get along with".

I don't want to make this all about me because it isn't

The key is here. You are posting about your feelings in a place where we can only see your side and advise you.

Do you think you and your feelings count for anything?

She's rejecting you and she's blaming you. How does that make you feel? Like you want to be intimate with her and have more children? There's some kind of disconnect here, and I think it's between you and your feelings.

naomi, name change fail

When a woman posts about this problem she's never asked about chores.....

What does she say when you bring the subject up op?

naomi81 Thu 20-May-21 19:44:38
I managed to conceive with a similar tsh to you, took about 6 months. However after having my baby my tsh shot up to 37 and now I am on medication for life, not tried for a second yet, good luck 🤞

You have one child. Is this thread a wind up?

Is Naomi81 not just agreeing with the poster EvenMoreFuriousVexation, saying that she identifies with what was being said? I don't think it reads as a nc fail?

The OP claims to be the man in the relationship and has accidentally commented in this thread under her actual user name. She has name changed from Naomi81. She claims to have children (said word means more than one) in this post. However, she stated that she has one child in 20-may-2021, where she also claimed she hadn't TTC 2nd yet, so another child couldnt have been concieved and born beween then and now.

OP has intentionally name changed. This post could be a reverse post or a wind up.

''Is Naomi81 not just agreeing with the poster EvenMoreFuriousVexation, saying that she identifies with what was being said? I don't think it reads as a nc fail?''

No, because EvenMoreFuriousVexation is responding to the OP, and naomi is responding to it as the OP