Issues with ex

[Itsbritneybitchh]

My ex and I split up when our baby was 5 weeks old. I ended the relationship for a few reasons - he became very unsupportive after our son was born, refusing to do night feeds, leaving our home in a constant mess, wouldn’t cook, clean, make a bottle, barely changed a nappy - I had a traumatic birth and it took me a while to recover yet he went back to work after 2 weeks, although he had booked 4 weeks off. The night before we split, he came home from work and asked if he could “fuck me” as things were getting a bit desperate and he was sick of having to pleasure himself (I was 5 weeks pp at this time, I’d had a forcep delivery and had to have stitches, so even after 5 weeks I was still very sore and still bleeding) so the next day, I ended it. I ended it as I thought it would have been a wake up call for him and he’d realise how much of a dick he had been and maybe change.

How wrong I was.

He became very abusive, told me I was an unfit mother, I was mentally unstable, I didn’t deserve our son… called me a cunt, crackpot, amongst other things. When our son was a couple of months old he got into a new relationship. It didn’t last very long and apparently he ended it as he wasn’t over me yet.

He’s asked if we could try again but I just can’t. The level of disgust I feel towards him is like nothing I’ve ever felt before. When we split, he would see our son for a few hours a few nights a week and always use work as an excuse as to why he didn’t see him more, but he had the time to go and start a new relationship. And the fact he started a new relationship when our son was so young, I also find really hard to get my head around. He said it was his way of trying to move on, but again, who does moving on have to involve a new relationship? Why couldn’t he have tried to move on by giving himself time to grieve, spending time with friends and family? Spending time with his son?!

Anyway, he says I’m being stupid and I’m punishing him for a mistake that meant nothing. Am I? I just can’t help the way I feel or shake this feeling of disgust I have towards him.

You cannot and absolutely should not have a relationship with a man who has shown you that he has this level of disrespect for you. Any one of the things you mention, the lack of partnership in sharing the load of a newborn, the awful names he called you, the idea he would just fuck you even though you were in pain, the moving on and the lack of contact with his child, any one and you couldn't possibly countenance a relationship with him. It worries me a bit that you even let the thought enter your head. Keep that bastard as far away from you as you can.

Thank you. I really needed to hear that

You're my hero. Good for you! X

He’s a misogynistic manchild. Do the freedom program.

You did the right thing for you and your son. I applaud you for not settling for less than you deserve. Don’t listen to that asshole.

You know abuse rolls in a cycle. To break that cycle is painful, by nature of the abuse your norms are warped.

Think of the person DC will be and all the hopes and dreams you have for them. Then imagine your ex being there partner. Would you be happy ? If not run for the hills because kids model who they chose as life partners on their own childhood norms. Don't let this be your child's normal.

No matter what happy family picture you had in your head with the ex, I promise you, right now you may not be able to do it for yourself. But do it for your child.

Your ex sounds like a 🛎 end and a emotional abuser. Read the "gift of fear" by gavin debeck- really helpful. Really helpful for women like yourself.

Those warning signs are what has kept you safe so far. Keep listening to them xxx

What a nasty piece of work. Obviously the new gf saw through him a lot quicker than you did! Don't even think about going back to him. You're just a piece of flesh to be fucked as far as he's concerned.

Thank you everyone for your replies. He’s very good at manipulating and making me believe (or trying to) what I think and feel is wrong. Apparently he ended it with the new gf but I don’t believe that’s the case, I think she’s ended it and that’s why he’s come crawling back to me. Either way though, I don’t want him back!

Do not take him back. You've seen his true colours and spared yourself decades of crap.