DH - another strop

[Fluffyhairdontcare]

2nd time this week thar DH had slept in the spare room over something trivial.

I wanted to watch something at 9. He didn't. I'd said earlier in the evening that I was watching it. When 9 came he tried to persuade me to watch something else. I said I'd been looking forward to watching something and need a bit of time to myself (were spending 2 days together, no kids, from tomorrow so not like tonight was our only chance to be together). I'm naturally an introvert and really need time alone to recharge.

When he realised I wasn't going to change my mind he took himself upstairs. I came up to bed only to find that he's in the spare room - again! Was only Tueaday when he last slept in there. He just seems so pathetic to me.

I dont enjoy his company anymore and I'm honestly so unhappy being married to him. We have 2 very young children. I've relocated to his part of the country, 200 hundred miles away from where I'm from. He has a good job and provides for me and our children ( I work but bring in less than x3 what he earns).

What a strange thing for him to get upset about. Does he have trouble compromising on other things too?

Your husband is a petulant man child. How distinctly unattractive.

Can you discreetly make a plan to relocate back to your home town area .. is this an option for you 🌸

Well that deserved the stonewalling and silent treatment.
Throw in, intimate withdrawl, he sounds reasonable.

It must be hell, I can imagine it will only get worse.

Life is too short to live like this. It’s clearly his way or the highway. He doesn’t seem to care about your happiness. This kind of imbalance is a death knell for any relationship. If you’ve had conversations about it, how did he react? If not, is he open to listening? If you’ve had the conversations and he doesn’t care enough to make changes then it’s time to leave. What is your financial situation? Do you work? Can you afford to rent or buy separate from him? There is nothing more soul destroying than living with a sulking manchild. It will affect yours and your children’s well being in the long run.

I would look into planning your exit from this marriage. It’s no relationship example to be showing your children either.

OP,

He sounds awful and like he could be emotionally abusive.

Be very careful.
Were you under pressure to move away from your supports?

I think you need to be quietly making arrangements for Plan B.

Reach out to family and friends for support.
Look at jobs where they are.
Assemble copies of finances, pensions, deeds.

Do you feel in any way afraid of him?
What is he like in other areas?

Has he always been like this or is it a recent development OP? I'm wondering if he's depressed, suffered a bereavement, experiencing stress at work...

It seems like such an overblown reaction to something trivial that he can't go on his laptop for example while you watch your programme or read or have a shower or tidy the kitchen or any number of things rather than go to bed in a strop.

It's either a control thing in that he just doesn't want you to do something and is punishing you by stropping or there's something else going on. From what you say, this is part of a bigger picture where you no longer enjoy his company. Is he doing other controlling things?

Sounds like you have 3 children op.

I couldn't be doing with the selfishness of him reacting like this about a tv program. I'm sure there's plenty of times you sit and watch things that you don't find interesting, it's called compromise. I also couldn't be doing with someone who strops, to the extent of sleeping in a separate room. How on Earth are you expected to resolve issues if this is his reaction, imagine what would happen if you had to resolve something serious.

Personally I'd leave if you think there's no way he'd change

God how tedious. I’d be using those child free 2 days to go off by myself tbh

I think there is a control element to it. The strop is his final attempt to control/manipulate. Not the only time

There is indeed a control element to his actions here.

This is who he is and he is not going to change.

How can you be helped into leaving this man?.

Just ignore it / him.

Jesus! Sounds like my Dad used to be (not the separate bed thing though). If mum was watching something he would hover in the doorway, huffing and puffing, then slam the door and stamp off in a bad temper. Funnily enough , mum would continue to watch whatever she wanted to and totally ignore him (she had already had 3 kids!).

I used to hide the remote control from him. He would never admit he was looking for it! When he walked out the room Mum would say "don't be naughty, give it to him!"

I think there is a control element to it. The strop is his final attempt to control/manipulate. Not the only time

You're right it is, he's trying to condition you to never disagree with him. Next time you'll simply agree that he can watch his program because you don't want him to strop. Next thing is you're walking on eggshells having to agree to do everything his way because you know if you don't, he'll strop. It's a well used and trusted tool in the abuser handbook. This is no way to live.