Is coffee an euphemism?

[CoffeeOrSex]

Around 2 years ago, I separated with my partner. A few months later I had a fling with someone I work with. It was short lived and we were still friendly, but then Covid happened and I've not seen him since. Occasionally I get an email asking how I am but that's really it. I'm cordial but quite short and not flirty.

My ex partner and I reconciled about 4 months ago. I have not told worker, but also not deliberately (when he asks how I am, I will respond with one line answers "I'm good, how about you?" etc.)

Now he has asked if I fancy a coffee. I know he's a relationship + I know he's been having a rough time (courtesy of my boss) but nothing more than that.

I'm really not very good with subtext. I am happy to have a catch up over coffee, but I'm not sure if that's what it means. Before I respond, is 'coffee' a typical euphemism for sex? Or am I massively overthinking here?

The internet says it does but back in real life (mine at least), coffee means coffee.

I wouldn’t open that particular can of worms.

Bit of overtime thinking I recon. He's probably checking out the forecast before commencing with anything. Might be worth telling him your in a relationship now. Is you

I’m 25 and I’ve not had sex with anyone who’s asked me to go for coffee. Coffee means coffee.

If you’re unsure.. you could respond with “just coffee and no sex, right?”

He either just wants to meet for a catchup, or it’s a date.

Is your partner aware of your 'fling' whilst you were apart?

Coffee offered outside his place at 9pm = sex.
Coffee suggested in working hours near a cafe = coffee.

It depends, if he's asking you to go to Starbucks it's highly unlikely he's expecting you to have sex with him, you'd probably both get asked to leave. If he's asking you to his house he could possibly be hoping it leads to sex.

@Marineboy67

Is your partner aware of your 'fling' whilst you were apart?

Why does he need to be aware of it? It's none of his business.

It's only a euphemism at the end of an evening when you're being dropped off at home and you invite them to "come in for a coffee" while meaning "come in for a fuck".

Meeting out at Costa is much more likely to be for a coffee.

A friend of mine had a few female friends he met for coffee when his wife was busy.

He's no longer friend after inviting me for coffee and justifying it by telling me about his other coffee friends...

(They didn't drink coffee)

Why do you need a catch up with an ex-fling of 2 years ago?

Tell him sure, you’d love a coffee, and you’ll bring your partner along to meet him. I’m sure he’ll suddenly have prior engagement after all.

@Marineboy67

Is your partner aware of your 'fling' whilst you were apart?

If they'd split up, why is that relevant?

I got back together with someone after splitting up with them for a few months. I had two flings in that time. He knew about neither. I had no idea whether he had or not and it was none of my business.

Without getting into details, some of our 'fling' happened in his office (he is someone we contract rather than specifically a co-worker).

So I think where he invited me would matter - Costa, no problem. His office - he may have something else on his mind. I think I have two options then - "sure, lets meet in x (very public) place" or just turn down the offer and wait until we are working alongside each other in person to see where things lie.

For the person who asked - yes, partner is aware of fling but it was while we were separated so it wasn't/isn't his business anyway. That said, I've been honest about things and he knows he occasionally emails me too.

@TooWicked

Why do you need a catch up with an ex-fling of 2 years ago?

Tell him sure, you’d love a coffee, and you’ll bring your partner along to meet him. I’m sure he’ll suddenly have prior engagement after all.

I don't - but we were friends for a few years before it happened and will be working together in the future. I'd rather be friendly rather than standoffish and weird so I want to navigate this properly.

I'd say coffee is coffee except...

A few years back a former co-worker was messaging me about his misery at work. I thought that was fair enough, everyone knows I've been miserable too, so hey, get it off your chest. He asked if we could meet to talk in person. Pre-Covid, not unreasonable to have coffee and a chat in a public place, I said yes. Nothing personal, flirty or intimate had ever been said between us.

Then I was called to meet up with women former workers, who in the course of the afternoon grilled me about this bloke (who was sod all to do with me) and were clearly angry that I didn't know he was married. 1) why should I know that? We were slight colleagues not close co-workers 2) Why should I care and what the fuck was it to do with them?

I got through the afternoon but that was the end of the slight friendship I had with those women. I never heard from the man again so presumably he'd been called to task for ... whatever he was doing.

Coffee was coffee to me. Talking to someone who'd has similar experiences was informal therapy, listening was a kindness I'd do for anyone in pain. Clearly to the wife (who I hadn't known existed and whose status had not been threatened in any way by her husband talking about his work) and a group of women, 'coffee' was something more.

So, be a bit wary.

Had, not has

A coffee at a coffee shop during the day means coffee. Coffee at home at the end of a date may well mean sex.

You do need to tell him you're back together though.

I am inclined to think I might be overthinking it a bit then. I'm still not sure if it's weird. We used to have lunch together on the day we worked together (pre-fling), so it was pretty normal for us to have food/coffee without having sex. I'm now inclined to say something along the lines of "sure, coffee would be great - but can we avoid x day as DP and I usually go for lunch".

I would assume somebody suggesting coffee in this way is a suggestion for coffee. I think “coffee” only means something else when it is at the end of the night after a date.

If someone asked me if I wanted a coffee and I didn't get one I'd be passed off 🤣
But seriously it could mean either it depends on the couple

Coffee past 9pm......booty call