Surprised and upset

[Rainbow0821]

I'm sitting here this morning feeling upset and no motivation to do any work even though I have a mountain of it to get through.

I stayed with family Tuesday night and came back yesterday to see DP sheepish and wanting to offload. He had told me the night before he had started drinking on and empty stomach and the drinking had got out of hand. He rang the non emergency NHS line when drunk as he 'wanted to talk to someone'. They (q.rightly) informed him it's not a counselling service and instead decided to send an ambulance. The ambulance came and apparently he told them he was sorry, he didn't want anyone to come, he just wanted to talk to someone. Not only that he told me he took off on a long walk with headphones and arrived back home in the early hours of the morning. He told me the Police woke him up around 6am, they had gained entry with a locksmith to see if he was ok.

I have every sympathy for.someone.with mental health problems . I myself have been through some very hard experiences years ago after an acrimonious divorce including a full detox from alcohol and have keep my sobriety since and have rebuilt my life back again. I'd like to think I am sympathetic and understanding but I'm sitting here today feeling slightly hurt and a little angry inside (well hidden).

I'm currently 26 weeks pregnant and carry all the stress of our earnings (I created a business.for us both) and I have great pressure making sure our earnings keep us ticking over. I won't be able.to take hardly any maternity leave. I feel like if anyone should feel pressured, it's me.

DP is on anti depressants but he knows that they stop working if he overdoes the drinking. This drinking episode is quite out of character for many years and I'm not sure the cause of his unhappiness / depression. His mood to me has seemed stable and upbeat for a long time. He goes for long periods not drinking. I'm not aware of any worries he may have. I'm also upset that we(fingers crossed) are expecting a baby together shortly as older parents after miscarriages.

Can anyone shed some light on this. I'm sitting here really shocked inside and feeling disillusioned and empty.

Also can anyone tell me if any of this rings true. I found my driving licence this morning had been taken from my handbag and moved. I can only guess the police might have tried to look for someone to contact, however he told me they arrived when he was in bed. Just slightly doubting all the events he told me.

I am sorry you are going through this but his story sounds a bit dodgy, he got drunk, rang 999 for someone to talk too, got sent an ambulance instead, went for a walk and then passed out at home waking up to the police breaking in to check up on him. The whole thing is strange and seems to have bits missing-why would the police be checking on him to the point of breaking into the house? I don’t know what I would do in your situation but you have taken on the entire burden of both your lives plus a baby on the way, that’s a lot. Maybe have a good think about what he offers to the partnership and the baby and make a decision from there.

None of it sounds true, really. They don’t dispatch an ambulance because somebody calls up drunk, if they’re perfectly coherent and capable of talking; and they don’t follow that up with an early morning forced entry visit by the police, if the individual in question was fine when the ambulance left.

A one-off episode of getting too drunk and morose with it wouldn’t worry me, I’m sure we’ve all done it from time to time. His weird story about it all would make me wonder what actually happened, though.

Yeah I agree that not much about that story rings true. Who called the police and why did they force entry to check he was ok?

Hmmm, no it doesn't really completely add up. Would non-emergency send an ambulance to a drunk person just wanting to chat?

I suppose they might if he was talking about taking his own life.
And I suppose the police might have been alerted if they were worried he may also be talking of taking someone elses life.

But then, if police turned up, saw you lived there and you were not there, surely they'd have demanded to know you were safe? Based on the earlier alert.

It could be true, but then doesn't explain the driving licence being moved. And going for a long walk in the early hours when hes drunk and depressed? Would that be likely?

This sounds strange. Really strange.

Is anything damaged in the house? Any signs that someone else has been there? Has he had to explain a purchase or spend to you?

I think I'd ask to see his call logs. At least that would verify that he did indeed call 999.

If an ambulance is called and the paramedics cannot gain entry they call the police to break in. They have to make sure the patient is ok. I know because my alcoholic adult son sometimes calls an ambulance then passes out drunk. Queue the police ramming their way through the door and a broken lock and door to have repaired.

The police don't use locksmiths. If they need to get in and can't get in themselves easily (open doors, windows etc), they force entry - usually with the "big red key" which is little more than a battering ram and it leaves very distinctive marks on a door.

I agree nothing sounds quite right.

Thank you for all your messages, I'm taking it all, everything that's been said and mulling it over.

I'm thinking he said on the phone he was suicidal. Re. the locksmith - there are marks on the door. So have no idea what really went on. It's out of character for DP to lie, but I'm not naive that he is seriously trying to downplay the event.

He's been in bed all day today. I haven't managed to do much as the important day to day stuff busi ess wise is up to date.. the stress has tired me out.

I'm already worrying that the health visitor will see from his medical notes before her first visit and class this as a safeguarding risk.. probably being paranoid there but it crossed my mind.

Does he work? Has he any MH issues in his past? Addiction history? What's his work history? Is he an equal partner? You're pregnant and doing all the life admin? You go out of town briefly and he behaves like a total train wreck? When he's sober and alert you need to ask him to explain his frat boy behavior.

Your health visitor won't have access to his medical notes. However if you have disclosed any concerns with your midwife they may have shared these.

I am not an expert or in any way qualified so these are just thoughts

The drink may have reacted with the ADs with strange results. Maybe he hallucinated?

So he doesn't work, spends the day in bed, and I guess this episode (which really doesn't ring true) has done a great job of making you feel like going for a night away with your family isn't such a good idea, nor leaving him alone with the baby.

Can you ask to look at his call logs, or contact the local police and ask them for information on their visit to your address, to see if they at least have a record of one?

The story he's told you must have bits missing as it isn't a logical trail of events. Of course if he was drunk / mixed with his prescription drugs that could explain some confusion, but after the event it will be possible to find out - what did he say to the ambulance people / what reason did police give for breaking in? etc.

Whilst having sympathy of course for anyone with MH problems, I don't have any sympathy for people choosing to drink when they are taking tablets that don't mix with alcohol. He needs to ensure it doesn't happen again.

You are under stress yourself. You are pregnant. I can see why you feel upset at his destructive behaviour.

As pp said, what if he'd been alone in the house with your DC?

I think it would be perfectly reasonable for you to say - you're clearly having problems, as am I, and right now I need to look after me and our baby. It will be better for both of us if we split (even if temporarily). If he expects you to stay around to look after him then he's putting his own MH above yours, and your baby's wellbeing.

Harsh as it is, you already have 2 people to look after (you and baby).