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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Acceptance

3 replies

Redsunrise · 28/07/2021 22:54

Feeling rather down and finding it difficult to pull myself together. Love life has been a disaster, a mixture of bad timing and unrequited love.

I just can't seem to shake off bad luck. This has gone on for decades and I am at a loss what to do. Any positive inspirational comments would be great.

OP posts:
layladomino · 30/07/2021 16:33

We all (or at least most people - there may be a few people out there who have charmed lives!) go through periods like this.

Is your dissatisfaction all related to your love life? By that I mean are you basically happy with other aspects of your life - where you live / friendships / hobbies / your health / job / family links?

I ask because, if there are other parts of life that are less than great, it's a good idea to work on those and stop thinking about your love life. By focussing on something else, you can make your life more enjoyable (new hobby, enjoying time with friends, job satisfaction) which makes romantic relationships less important and at the same time more likely. By that I mean that you will be happier, more confident in yourself and that is attractive to others. And even if you remain single a bit longer, you'll be happily fulfilled and single.

If everything else in life is brilliant (and good for you if so!) and the only think missing is a good relationship, then I'd say you've got a great foundation to build on. And a good relationship will come in time, if that is what you want.

Much better to be happily single than with the wrong person, so work on the stuff you can work on and be open to relationships, but ever mindful not to accept someone just because you want an 'other half'.

Sorry if that's no use. But I think so often when we want a bf / gf / partner, we focus on that and forget about the other things that actually make our life better with or without a DP.

TheFoundations · 30/07/2021 19:12

Stop concerning yourself with it. Work on finding things that you love to do without a partner. What if... SHOCK/HORROR you never meet 'the one'? Will you be satisfied on your deathbed that you spent your life pining for someone you'd never met, rather than climbing mountains/making music/skipping/learning how to cook Thai food/bouldering/learning the names of the constellations/swimming the channel/sculpting/writing a children's book/photographing hippos?

You have a life to live. Live it. Make a list like the one above of aaaaall the things you want to do. There don't need to be any hippos or constellations. This is your list.

And unless your list is 'knit/read/watch telly', I'd bet my piano that you'll meet somebody whilst you're busy doing something you love.

Yesterday is yesterday. None of the other days will be the same. Just because it's been pants, there's no reason it will be pants any more.

Redsunrise · 30/07/2021 19:24

Thanks for the advice. Will focus on positives and yes the past is the past and tomorrow can be different.

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