Am I bisexual or am I just sick of men?

[Fridascat]

I've name changed for this. I need help thinking through it.
I've recently started to think I'm attracted to women and have started to fantasise about being in a relationship with a woman. However I have a long history of poor relationships with abusive men and I have real trouble trusting men. I honestly can't tell if I'm genuinely attracted to women or if I'm just sick to death of men.
Any advice on how I can actually get to the bottom of it? Obviously I can't just go and experiment with a woman to see if I like it or not.

My male friend was like this, awful history of relationships with women and trust issues and he'd always wondered what it might be like with a man. Do he tried it and never went back.

Should say So he tried it. Sorry.

Is it ok to just try it without knowing?! What about the woman involved...

you make it clear its your first time with a same sex partner and you don't know how you will feel, BUT, you do feel you want to find out. Have a great time, reflect on it a while and go from there. Good luck and enjoy.

Of course it's ok to just try it. Just go as far as you can handle with it. There are plenty of hook up sites you can meet someone who isn't necessarily looking for a full on relationship but just a little fun. You won't know if it's for you unless you try.

You can try meeting other women, but absolutely let her know how you feel first. Have you had inklings before? Female crushes? I knew I was bisexual before I even knew there was a word for it. My first ever crushes were on both boys and girls.

Have you ever had a crush on a female celeb?

Honestly though op if you liked women I think you would know. Rather than looking to date women instead, it might be best to take some space from relationships altogether. And use that time to read up on how to spot abusers.

There are plenty of abusive women too (think workplace bullies and frenemies) so deciding to date women will not keep you safe. instead you need to learn how to recognise abuse as soon as possible. Unfortunately once you are in the cycle of dating abusers, more are likely to follow. Men and women.

@SirenSays

You can try meeting other women, but absolutely let her know how you feel first. Have you had inklings before? Female crushes? I knew I was bisexual before I even knew there was a word for it. My first ever crushes were on both boys and girls.

Same.

If you date a woman, let her know you haven't dated a woman before and you're figuring out your sexuality.

It's horrible for anyone to feel like an experiment, so do be thoughtful and avoid that.

My first crush was on a boy my second was on a girl. I've had a couple of sexual experiences with other girls when I was a teen. Not really given them much thought until recently.

I've done the freedom programme and have had some counselling, I do agree about abusive relationships becoming a pattern and I've worked to stop that. My last couple of relationships were much better.

So if you were a woman looking to meet other women, and you came across a woman saying that she had never had a female partner before but wanted to explore the idea, you wouldn't run a mile?

Why can't you try it? Just be honest about the fact you're exploring your sexuality. Lots of gay women will give you a swerve but equally lots of them will be happy.

I was similar to you once. Only had relationships with men and they were all pretty terrible and abusive. In my later twenties I finally acknowledged my attraction to women and it was like unleashing a decade's worth of repressed desire so I definitely knew before I'd even acted on it. Came out as bisexual first and was upfront with the first woman I met on an app about having no experience. She was fine, actually I think quite pleased to be my 'first'. After experiencing how much more satisfying I found sex and relationships with women I was once of those who then decided I wasn't bisexual but lesbian. Now in a long term lesbian relationship and whilst it's not all a bed of roses - we can still have the same problems, housework arguments, etc as straight couples! - I feel free. Just wish I cottoned on a bit later, but that's compulsory heterosexuality for you

I think you should explore and be honest with the women you meet as said above. But i want to add a note of caution! Don’t assume that a woman can’t also be toxic and abusive. There is no automatic guarantee that you won’t run into another abuser just because of her sex.

If you make that assumption you could miss all sorts of warning signs and red flags.

I don't think you'd start fancying women just because you're sick of men OP. I know plenty of women who are sworn off men for life now - none of them have started fancying women.

@Fridascat

So if you were a woman looking to meet other women, and you came across a woman saying that she had never had a female partner before but wanted to explore the idea, you wouldn't run a mile?

No. My friend was the same and the men he met didn't care about his inexperience. He actually found it easier that straight dating. If you hook up online there will be a few messages back and forth before the meet anyway so you can have that conversation before meeting up.

@Fridascat

So if you were a woman looking to meet other women, and you came across a woman saying that she had never had a female partner before but wanted to explore the idea, you wouldn't run a mile?

Well anyone that doesn't want to date someone in your position will say no and anyone that does will say yes - so it's important you tell them either way.

For me, the important difference is experimenting with and experimenting on. The former can happen in all relationships and comes from a starting place where both people know that part of it is figuring out what each person wants. Some are open to that and it can be great fun to explore together - but that together is an important of it, there are likely to be bumps which are best dealt with together.

Many who run will likely have an experience of being experimented on or know someone who has been badly hurt by it. I've been there once - though it was the in the opposite way (a male who turned out felt 'someone's sex shouldn't matter' when it fact it actually did to them) and it was absolute mindfuck when it eventually all came out because not only was there the original lie of omission, but also so many active lies to keep that one up. Thankfully, we went no further than cuddling on the sofa, but even that to me - the pleasure is in mutual enjoyment which I am very vocal about (as all my loved ones reassured me afterwards) and having someone ask for that and then turn around and say they only did so because they thought they 'should', because they saw me affectionate with other people, I felt like I'd been pushed over my own moral lines by their lies and it took a while to recover from and I never want to be there again.

Some will run a mile, and - while it can sting - that's fine just like some might run a mile for any other reason while dating, and some are open to that kind of experimenting as long as it's all open and in the spirit of mutual exploration.

Thank you all for your wisdom! I feel this isn't something that is going to go away so I will remember all your points about experimentation and honesty.