I guess it can't work but I want him in my life.

[Stupidinlove]

I am currently involved with an older man by 15 years. We have been in a push pull situation for quite some time now. We met and it was like I knew I was meant to meet him. Little did I know he was feeling the same. He told my friend he thought I was nice and a few weeks later our paths crossed again. We swapped numbers. I could not believe how much we both had felt the same from our first meet. That weekend we began through choice talking most of the time. Any chance we got we would be sat talking until the early hours. He became like a long lost friend. Then we started getting really strong feelings.

It started to feel like the odds were stacked against us. I shared a house with my ex. He was older. I had young kids. He didn't mind that at all but I just knew that in 10 years time he was getting very close to 60 and I'd only be 45. He was worrying abit himself I think. He backed off.

But we both were miserable. He attempted dating someone else in that time his age. But after a few weeks he told her he didn't want a relationship and it just wasn't feeling right. They have remained Facebook friends and she's told me that they are just friends now. She told me at the time that maybe it was me and he did love me and that he never loved her. She said it never would have worked..

A week ago he called me and told me its just not working for him us not being close. He missed us too much. He had never been able to forget me. He still loved me. He said he doesn't want to be chasing women and I mean so much to him. He's never felt so close to anyone and he said he was so worried of me rejecting him but he said he had to tell me how he felt and then he can walk away if it fails knowing he didn't give up without putting 110% in.

This is the thing. We've never had sex. We are not innocent people who don't like sex. We talk about it alot. We really want to now. He even said he wanted me to be his girlfriend a few days ago. We want to have sex. We want to be together. We want to be in each others lives.

But I feel like it can't work for all these little reasons. But I can't let him go. I can't walk away. He's so important to me. We click and life is honestly rubbish without him. Having him back this week has been so nice it's made me feel so happy. I've missed him so bad.

What should I do.

I’m sorry but I have to laugh, you’ve written this so dramatic. I don’t see why you can’t just be together?

Just the age gap. Different life styles. I have children. He doesn't. It's all just complicated. I don't think my family would approve either.

21 years between me and my partner. Just had our 15th year anniversary. It can work if you want it to. Only get one life. Why not just try it out and see how it goes? No labels at the time being. Wonder why all this pressure and angst?

But if you’re both okay with the age gap and he accepts that you have kids then I don’t see the issue? A true connection is very hard to come by, so if you’re drawn to each other I would take that chance.

As for the lifestyle , you have to make compromises but eventually you’ll reach an equilibrium if you truly want it to work.

Why wouldn’t your family approve?

Don't tell your family, don't let them approve or disapprove. Keep him as your juicy little secret on the side lover. Keep him separate from your children. Fifteen years isn't a great age gap. See how you feel about him after you've been lovers for a good while.

@DoingItMyself

Don't tell your family, don't let them approve or disapprove. Keep him as your juicy little secret on the side lover. Keep him separate from your children. Fifteen years isn't a great age gap. See how you feel about him after you've been lovers for a good while.

I second this.

No need to involve anyone else until you're 💯
and that should take at least a couple of years.

Just start shagging 😁

Ffs. It's not the age difference that is the problem or the fact that you have children. It's that you are both seriously odd if you are missing out on love because you think those TINY things are a problem. They are not problems. They are just facts. Why are you both being so weird.

I think all this ‘star crossed lovers’ and forbidden fruit stuff is probably making it more intense.
Have a shag. Enjoy it, see where it goes

Go with the flow. I honestly think you’re throwing up obstacles that might not be a problem.
Did you not see Kitty Spencer marrying a man 32 years older than her this weekend? Now that’s an age gap!

15 years is nothing. Friend 40, her Dh is 72.
Another friend has a Dh 18years younger than her (he looks older than her)

If things feel right who cares about the age difference

someone 45 doesnt mean they are going downhill, many are in better condition than those ten years their junior if they live fairly clean (me for example) I dont look or act my age, the main thing that ages you is life and stress.

Your here once, enjoy it for what it is, if you break up in 5 years, you had 5 enjoyable years rather than nothing. Go for it..

DH 17 years older than me. 18 years together this year. He had children, 50/50 joint custody, now adults living their own lives & we see them regularly.

Life's too short to give a flying feck what others think. You don't need their approval to be happy.

Get off mumsnet and go phone him. Sounds like you've been spending too much time reading other people's opinions.

You're not a child. What does your family have to do with it? Honestly, you are making SO much drama out of this. You have kids, he doesn't. So what? He's older. And?

If you mutually want to be together, be together.

Well you're never going to be sure you'll be good together, until you're well.... Together.

The so-called barriers you're seeing are trivial. If you're truly meant to be together, they'll be worked through easily.

The other thing is you both love the fantasy Mills and Boon idea of being together, as it brightens the day, and makes life less mundane. Where actually being together means you'll then lose the fantasy.

Oh for gods sake

Go shag the bloke
Have fun
Take every bit of happiness you can

There's an age gap. Who cares? You have children. He's not bothered. You're making problems where there aren't any

Just date and see where is goes. You don't have to move in together any time soon. You don't have to introduce him to your family or anyone any time soon. Just date and enjoy each other's company and take it from there. It could all fizzle out in a couple off months or he could the best thing that ever happened to you. Thing is, you won't know until you try.

Just chill out and go for it.

Just go date him and shag him and see how it goes. You don’t need to be married in a fortnight!