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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Horrible horrible SIL and making someone see sense

30 replies

PinkmugofTea · 28/07/2021 16:34

Honestly she’s awful. Making DB life hell.

Massive insecurities and jealousy. He’s done nothing to deserve it. She’s controlling and he now has dropped family and friends on her say so.
We’ve even offered him a place to stay, he won’t leave. He says it’s because of the baby. We have said bring the baby but he won’t.

He’s got rid of FB and IG on her say so as she didn’t like him having any female acquaintances so he deleted the accounts. He basically has no life.

I tried to speak to her and got told to kind my own business. This was after an incident where a mutual friend needed some car help and text him but sil who obviously had his phone replied telling her to ‘sort your own Life out and pay someone to do it rather than trying to get my husband round ‘

That’s just one of many things, she’s just insanely jealous and controlling and unpleasant.
He can’t see he needs to leave her and we’ve tried. He deserves someone kind who will let him have a life.
I’m just really irritated that he won’t listen . We’ve literally offered him somewhere and he can’t see sense. He’s too nice and geeks guilt when he’s done nothing wrong

OP posts:
thisisnotmyllama · 29/07/2021 00:13

*make sure

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 29/07/2021 04:51

OP your choice of words definitely points towards your family being dysfunctional. It sounds like your brother is perpetuating the same dynamic in his adult relationships, which is very common.

If you look back at your upbringing, did your parents put you and your brother in certain "roles"? Such as Golden Child (you) and Scapegoat (him)?

PinkmugofTea · 29/07/2021 11:04

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

OP your choice of words definitely points towards your family being dysfunctional. It sounds like your brother is perpetuating the same dynamic in his adult relationships, which is very common.

If you look back at your upbringing, did your parents put you and your brother in certain "roles"? Such as Golden Child (you) and Scapegoat (him)?

No we were both scapegoats younger sibling golden child

I frequently had to be the ‘rescuer’ as he was often physically ‘punished’ so I feel I’m now still protecting him he seems to have chosen a partner very like our mother

OP posts:
Cooklane · 29/07/2021 15:29

he seems to have chosen a partner very like our mother

Yes, I recognise this too.

PinkmugofTea · 29/07/2021 16:36

@Cooklane

he seems to have chosen a partner very like our mother

Yes, I recognise this too.

It’s so hard to see and I feel like we had no control over who our mother was but we do have control over who we choose to have in our lives and I can see what’s happening and it does make me feel absolutely helpless and I don’t want him hurt.

But, he is an adult now. Maybe I do need to step back although it’s hard because I want to help him. He deserved so much more than this

OP posts:
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