Generally..just a rant I guess.

[Hairyhair123]

Just posting so I can adjust my thinking! Hopefully with some helpful suggestions.
Dh is always too busy to think about holidays. he’s been v stressed and working v hard. We’ve put off everything for his job and finally he is taking next week off. Of course we are struggling to find anywhere to go. teens utterly bored with more bloody countryside and it’s now raining. I don’t know, other people just seem to have holidays and fun. We seem to struggle through everything and I’m knackered. Sorry, just a moan. And family lives abroad but he doesn’t like them and ..covid. He is recovering from a crap year, so I’m being spoilt. Just feel totally bored and trapped. I hate not being able to plan and lastminute stress of hours on the Internet looking at crap. and the kids are losing their sparkle and bored. Just wanted a break I guess.

Actually I know he’s amazing to be holding down a new challenging job in a different area. I just feel like I listen to him all the time and am encouraging. For hours. Now the kids are old enough to do their own thing , but that means I don’t talk to anyone.but I feel so guilty cos we never do anything. I m supposed to be getting on with stuff and I just can’t. It feels like an endless struggle.

How old are the teens?
I would be going for a midweek break on my own.
There are loads of good deals in nice hotels at the moment.
What do the kids like to do? Could they do some research.
I don't mind organising things but I do expect the other beneficiaries to at least take an interest.

Oh thanks endofthelinefinally. I’m really struggling atm! Dh has decided we are going away next week - and I just can’t get any enthusiasm, certainly can’t find any decent hotels. Am I missing something?!

Midweek break! On my own! Dh said I could go see my family on my own but needs to be in holiday time as he can’t deal with school ( teens) . I don’t know, it just all seems exhausting and I can’t quite work out why.!

Teens 14 and 15. Am with you on the interest front. Just a flicker of enthusiasm. Too many holidays trudging round rainy bloody Lake District.

Your teens have two parents. If he had a work trip, he would go.

Go and see your parents, he can deal with the kids.

Thanks. Just feel I can t do this any more. Kids are lacking sparkle and I can’t keep holding it all together.

Could you and the DC go to see family? Or somewhere you would like to go? It wouldn't need to be for long, just a change of scenery.

How far are your family? If they are a short flight away you could go for a few days.

Are the teens a bit of a handful?

What are finances like, because it sounds to me like it's highly worth throwing some money at it and finding something the three, or four, of you would like. You need to start putting your own needs higher. You are a team, you need to be valued, the kids need emotional investment from both of you.

Utterly selfish, to make a family work you need to balance work and home life and everyone’s needs.

I’d be planning holidays with the kids without him in future, don’t let his ‘work comes first before my wife and kids’ attitude hold you back. Go have fun without him.

Ha! No the teens are too bored to be a handful. It’s Dh, he’s trying v hard to be jolly and is a lot better than he was, so am grateful for that. Maybe just tired of every one asking me what to do and where to go. Dh even asks me if he should get the plates out ( or whatever) have stopped answering. I don’t bloody know , you’re an adult get the plates out or eat off the table ffs!
Sorry. Just been for a quick walk, feeling a bit better. Don’t know why just suddenly so down.

Sorry the mad at and POg, cross post.

Have you got the time off too?

Where are you / how far do you want to travel? Car / train? Sure people could suggest places if you're a bit more specific

Why can't your DH "deal with" school? If he means the school run, surely at their age they can get themselves there? Or do you live very rurally?

A lot of hotels are hideously overpriced right now but the Village chain has some decent deals. You have to join their website to get the offers (which is free)
bookingrevolution.village-hotels.co.uk/special-offers

They are really good hotels - a few of them are a bit tired (Chester, Nottingham) but the more modern ones are great. Nice big rooms, most have aircon, and you can get access to the gym and swimming pool, might be better bet with teens? They also have big screen TV in the bar area and there's a Starbucks in every one.

If you booked the one in Watford you could fit in some day trips into London as well.

I'd book the 3-night family deal for £359 and then book the same deal for the following 3 nights, and just tell them when you arrive to "join" them up.

Chin up! It sounds like you've been run ragged this last year, not surprising you're finding it hard to feel enthusiastic.

It's ok to feel down, @Hairyhair123.

You feel you want a break, and I don't blame you.

Could you take a day off being Mum and be Hairyhair123 for it instead.

It doesn't have to be a spa day.

Hairy Like me it sounds like you get left to deal with life admin.

My husband has the 'big job' whilst I'm left to organise day trips/crafts (3 dc of varying ages) and it is a bit wearing to be honest. If we go anywhere it is at my suggestion. Teen stuck in bedroom, middle dc stuck in front of the TV unless I organise something (to be fair they will play alone - colour, draw etc.) but honestly if I didn't plan anything it is unlikely we would leave the town where we live.

Not sure what to suggest but your dc are old enough not to be such hard work to transport around etc. Maybe a short break is a good idea? It is tricky at the moment with covid and scramble for accommodation...usually we go away for a 10 day break to break things up a bit - not this year.

Not sure where you are but what about a city break instead of a cottage somewhere? Find a hotel with a pool, no cooking, washing up etc for you and hopefully a few different things to do nearby which would interest the teens too?

I'd leave the kids at home and go out yourself. If they don't want to go not your problem. Might make your h step up and organise something

Thanks. Just rowed. Found 2 nights super cheap and one height super dear -£500 plus £80 each for dinner. Well ok then, but it’s a 3 hour drive onwards to the dear night. I wanted to avoid getting in the car next morning and having a five hour drive home. Dh got hump because I’m spoilt and a posh night isn’t enough for me to want an extra night. Yes I do. I want to relax, not drive with bored teenagers for 10 hours for three nights. I’m now spoilt and never plan and he’s resentful, I’m resentful we never can book a holiday but he’ll work till exhausted then suddenly announce he’s taking a week off and it’s all stressful, booked up, hours on the Internet. Just want a break!
Cooklane sympathies, they do sound similar. Dh has done amazingly well, but doesn’t seem to realise that it’s because, in part, that I’ve done everything else. And listened to him go on for hours.
ILoveShula, yes, I’d like to be hairy for a day. I’m emotionally supporting Dh, teens, elderly rels. Doing house. Trying to run business. And now drinking too much in an effort to ( I’ve just realised) reclaim my old life .
I said to Dh , I’d just like someone to,Listen to me talk about me, and he said he would. Within a minute he was back on his stuff.
Oh well he tried!
Means you all get to listen to me instead!

Hello, sorry was v emotional and tired!
Amazingly had a normal chat with Dh, no accusations or stupidity and we have agreed 2 super cheapo nights and the rest of the week we will do day trips and meals out. I’d still like to visit my family and he’s even sounding more reasonable about that, but maybe at half term. Not sure I have the energy to sort it for Monday.or even if it’s possible.
ILoveShula, I am going to make sure I get a hair do and a trip out too, without a £700 hotel I can afford it! Then I can be hairyhair for real, or maybe ex hairyhair😀
Thanks for listening to my self indulgent nonsense, especially when there are mns who have massive problems.💐you rock !

I've got nothing to suggest but I'd like to say it's not self-indulgent nonsense, you sound tired and fed up and put upon but you sound as if you take it all as cheerfully as you can - and that neither teens nor DH ever really notice how very good natured you are and how much you're doing or that you matter too.
Sorry that was a long sentence. I think you need to put your needs first more often. And tell them to take care of their bloody selves a bit. And have a break on your own - much sooner than half term. What about leaving them all to fend for themselves overnight one weekend?

So I did have something to suggest after all by then of that stream of thought!

Your not spoilt or self indulgent.

There is no reason why your DH can’t identify 1-2 weeks off each year in advance and stick to that. Then you can book something early on and have it to look forward to.

I also wouldn’t want to drive 3 hours for one night, only to drive 5 hours back the next day. It’s not worth it.

Thanks! I can’t tell you how good it feels to be acknowledged and reassured! I never really got the ‘feeling invisible’ thing, but suddenly I’ve just vanished,it’s the weirdest feeling.
Does anyone else feel It would help if someone else did the mental load. ?I was trying to explain to son why ‘just’ getting him an ice cream was too difficult. It meant I had to go do what I needed to do upstairs, think about that and yet all the time hold an extra get ice cream thought. Maybe that is a bit mad!
Am also so fed up of being nice to people. I get his mum, my mums mate and neighbours all doing the,’well it was on a Wednesday’ thing. No! I don’t care! I don’t have an hour to chat! That’s 3 hours! When you are all at it! And then Dh fills in the gaps. Grr!
Giletrouge thank you for your lovely encouragement. I’m soaking it up like a sponge! And how intriguing! Wonder what it was?! You are right, I wonder if I can get a girls night away happening.
And yes, harverina agree, book early! Look forward to! He is always to busy to ‘bother me with that now. ‘ it’s sort of left to me, but I have an inherent nervousness of actually booking anything - ususally he says,’you sort it’ but then of course it’s wrong.
Oh no! About to grumble a LOT! Coffee time. Thanks very much for listening to me go on. I’ve stopped cleaning the house for ages and no ones commented. 😹

Thanks! I can’t tell you how good it feels to be acknowledged and reassured! I never really got the ‘feeling invisible’ thing, but suddenly I’ve just vanished,it’s the weirdest feeling.
Does anyone else feel It would help if someone else did the mental load

Yes, I totally get this. I have brain fog thanks to good old peri-menopause and just yearn to have time alone and not have to bother with the mental load which I carry for all 3 dc (not doing it for husband anymore). I also get the invisible thing...whilst it aggravates me inside of the home, I actually like it outside of the home, I feel like I can be more like the person I was meant to be and I find it is liberating. The hardest part for me is that I have young dc having had them late, so can't exactly switch off for extended periods of time. My patience is in tatters with all the detritus they leave behind them so I do craft activities etc. in short bursts.

I feel like I need a good old grumble too and lack the capacity in real life, so like you Hairy, I find myself here grumbling away.