How to go no/low contact when it’s this messy?

[Ostryga]

I could type for hours about my parents.

I’ll just put the highlights in though. Mum - awful. Used to lock me in the garage when I was 14-17 because I was “aggressive”. I had undiagnosed adhd and had very little control over my emotions. She used to trap me in my bedroom with her when I was having a meltdown and DESPERATE to get away from her so she could induce violence from me. I’d be crying my heart out and she would stand in the doorway refusing to let me away from her so I could calm down. I’d flip and lose my mind and attack. I was 15 and didn’t know what else to do.

My dad would stand there and support her. I’d manage to get away and would cry to him and he’d say ‘well you are so aggressive and violent’

I wasn’t . I’m not! I was suffering with not knowing why my brain didn’t work right and I needed them to be on my side. But they wound me up instead.

I’m now 32 with a beautiful daughter they adore and I have always encouraged them to spend time with her, despite what happened in my past. Because it’s not my DD’s fault!

But they’re starting again. They’re been in my house whilst I was out and have gone through everything. I put cameras in after the first time and caught them again. I had the locks changed of course. But now they’re just turning to randomly.

My daughter adores them and I’m not going to use her against them. But I honestly can’t keep going on like this.

My brother and sister adore them. They were only ever awful to me. So I’m always the nasty child/complaining/ making a drama etc. I don’t know how to do this.

NC, you have no obligation to maintain a relationship with them for your DD.
They’re not nice ppl or parents, do not feel
you have to be in their life.
I’m 16 years NC and have never looked back.

Did you change the locks before or after this latest intrusion?

I wouldn’t let anyone near by child who’d treated me the way you describe. It’s not about it not being her fault, she wouldn’t have missed what she never knew. Children don’t need grandparents, they can be a huge positive but not if they mean the actual parent is stressed or unhappy.

Yours are breaking the law if you’d already changed the locks. Keep them fat far away from you and an innocent child.

I'd recommend popping along to the Stately Homes thread where you can get solid advice and experiences from people who've been there.

It's helpful to accept that siblings - growing up in the same family - can have very different experiences, and very different approaches/attitudes to family as adults. That can make the no contact process quite difficult/isolating.

Before you do anything, I'd say make sure you're confident and sure of your boundaries. You'll need them for the inevitable pushback from your parents, and potentially from siblings and other family. Your boundaries need to be clear, feel right for you, and you need to have the skills to assert them in the face of strong opposition; once you buckle the first time, you're in for repeated trampling which just causes stress for everyone.

I thought the world would end when I went NC with my father. It didn't, and it was far less dramatic than I ever thought it would be. Very sad, but definitely the right choice for me at this point in my life at least.