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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How long do I give it?

12 replies

DottyDotDotz · 27/07/2021 22:40

NC for this just in case.

I am primary care giver for my children. The other parent is refusing to engage with me about discussing a way forward that works for both of us. They have said they have started to ask the children where they would like to live. I haven't agreed that they should do this and that it should be discussed between us. Children were placed primarily with me due to other parents mental health. SS are involved and have said it needs to be between us as no current safeguard (whole other thread). I have been asking for weeks now for us to meet so we can discuss a way forward but this is being ignored. What is a reasonable time to give before I start the mediation process? I can't seem to find this out online. Thanks

Posted in chat originally but no response

OP posts:
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 27/07/2021 22:45

Quite honestly if he refuses to engage with you then he doesn't see the children. You should not be doing the running around. That is his job if he wants to see his kids. Dont fall into the trap of doing all the work for him.

Original poster
DottyDotDotz · 27/07/2021 22:54

SS have advised not to stop contact with the other parent. They have the children regularly every week but are wanting them back full time which I don't feel is in the best interest of the children and want to discuss with them amicably a way to move forward. Currently there is nothing stopping them taking the children back.

OP posts:
Blindleadingtheblind · 27/07/2021 22:58

I think at this point I would seek advice from a family law solicitor if e anything else has fallen on deaf ears. Keep all texts, emails etc between the two of you as proof. Can you call citizens advice and see if they can point you in the right direction?
If it went to court the judge would rule in favour of the child best interests. Good luck.

NotaCoolMum · 27/07/2021 23:21

I would definitely see a solicitor. Also your ex should not be asking the children who they want to live with. It puts a HUGE burden onto the children that they are not emotionally capable of handling. (I’m sure you know this already though 💐) good luck

Original poster
DottyDotDotz · 28/07/2021 00:04

I can't afford a solicitor at this point 😫

OP posts:
Original poster
DottyDotDotz · 28/07/2021 14:00

What do I do if I can't afford a solicitor Confused

OP posts:
ahoyshipmates · 28/07/2021 14:23

How old are the children?

Original poster
DottyDotDotz · 28/07/2021 14:49

Ranging from 3 to 14

OP posts:
TheTrinity · 28/07/2021 15:00

Definitely talk to the CAB (citizen's advice bureau). They should point you in the right direction to get help. I would do this sooner rather than later. All the best

Blueskytoday06 · 28/07/2021 15:02

Could you come to a 50/50 agreement ?

Original poster
DottyDotDotz · 29/07/2021 14:08

@Blueskytoday06 they won't agree to even meeting with me to discuss arrangements. Currently they have no way of getting the children to school during the week.

OP posts:
harverina · 29/07/2021 14:15

You need to get legal advice and apply for full residence of your children

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