We broke up last night. I’m devastated, now what?

[BrokenHeart911]

Me and my partner of 3 years broke up last night. We had lived together since the first lockdown and were planning a future together - we were viewing houses to buy, wanted to get married and have children.

We’ve had our issues before about trust and honestly and his difficulty with telling the truth sometimes even when it’s hurtful. I thought we’d overcome it, but over the weekend I found out he’s been telling me numerous lies that I simply cannot get over. He says he’s aware he’s got a problem and will get help.

He packed his stuff last night and has moved back to his parents. It was awful being in bed by myself, I’ve barely slept through crying and I have to face wfh somehow today. I can’t believe that the future I thought I had with him has just disappeared in an instant and I’m now single again at 35. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do without him

I'm sorry you're hurt . Having been with someone like this I'd say you are lucky to have got out now before marriage and house and kids tie you together. Being with someone who lies to you is devastating to your self esteem and to the relationship. And I would be very very surprised if he can change. Don't wait around for that. Look to your family and friends for comfort and try to move on. You deserve better.

It sounds like you've had a lucky escape with no house or kids to tie you to him. I'm sorry you're going through this but in my experience these kinds of liars don't usually change nor do they want to, it's just more lies and false promises to work on themselves. Do you have friends/ family you could spend a couple hours with? I think sometimes it can help to verbalise what was wrong in the relationship and why it came to an end. Agree with PP - you deserve better!

I am very sorry that this happened. But it's really better that everything was so early. It could have been worse. And you deserve someone who won't lie to you!

Im sorry you feel so bad. But honestly you have dodged a bullet. Aman like this is no partner for you and absolutely NOT a decent role model for children. They don't change. Its their default and under stress will revert to lies. And life with small kids is stressful.

next time, leave the first time you discover adeal breaker ...

For now, gather your friends and supportive members of your family Wallow for a day or two. then put on your best gear and get out there to find someone who is worthy of you

Awww OP heartbreak is terrible and you will feel awful today and probably for a few weeks.
But honestly you will know in your heart that someone who cannot be honest and is not trustworthy is not the person to commit to and have children with. If you do then you’d only be delaying the inevitable - and 10 years down the line when you realise he simply cannot and will not change, you’ll be 40s with kids and having to start again.
So as much as it hurts now, from what you’ve said, it’s the best thing for you in the long run.

When I was suddenly single at 32 I wrote a list. A list of all the good things about being single and things I could now do that id put off or knew wouldn’t work being in a couple.
Things like driving the Amalfi coast with friends, going on a first date again, amazing honeymoon phase sex, travelling across the US, redecorating my house / bedroom exactly how I wanted it etc.
Silly things but I tell you what, that list helped me see that there were so many positives to the end of the relationship and regaining some of my freedoms - even though it hadn’t been what I’d wanted or chosen at the time.

The only thing you can do now is give yourself space and time to grieve and feel sad, angry and all the other emotions.

What I wouldn’t do is get into long discussions with him or let him convince you that he can change - you’ve given him 3 years to prove himself as trustworthy and he hasn’t.

A clean break for now, focus on yourself, anything that makes you feel good - see friends, exercise, read, watch crappy movies, go for walks, sleep.
It will start to lift

Its a bit cliche. But you lived without him and you will do again.

I am so very sorry this has happened and you are hurting. You are likely in shock and nothing makes sense.

But this is far better than living your life with someone who you can't trust. You will end up with many sleepless nights, wondering and playing over what they said, what they did etc.

You will be ok. You just need sometime.

Can you afford to take some time off. Phone in sick? Go see a friend or family?

Living with someone you can’t trust is torturing, yes your sad now, but you’ve had a lucky escape

Thank you all

I have two weeks off starting the week after next, obviously had loads of plans with ex ‘D’P but will fill the time with other things and seeing friends.

I think I’ll feel better once all of his stuff is finally gone.

You need to buy new bedding if budget allows. I found that really cathartic having something to mark my new life. Break ups suck but it really sounds like this would have been a terrible future if he'd stayed.

I had a relationship with a prolific liar and let me tell you, you are well out of it. Imagine looking back at your life and not knowing what was real and what was lies. It's hard now but you've dodged a massive bullet there

@Northernsoullover new bedding sounds like a good plan actually and it’ll give me something to browse online as a distraction.