Shes in an abusive relationship and confides in me but wont take action ... What can I do?

[WorriedAboutHer]

Ive namechanged just incase.

Basically my SIL is in an abusive relationship.

She txts me all the time saying how sad she is and fed up of him.

He doesnt work and stays in bed all day, he has anxiety and depression. But he could still help her out.

He sleeps all day and is up all night.

They live with her parents but are on the verge of loosing the home.

Ive asked her to come stay with me and she thanks me but doesnt take me up on it.

She sys he shouts all the time, is agressive, punches things, verbally abuses her and has pushed her aboutm, thrown her down ect.

Theyve been together years and 'she knows no different'

They have a baby together now.

Shes not allowed out, because of his anxiety. he needs to know where she is and calls constantly.

My husband thinks its all nonsense when i tell him whats going on, he just defends his brother.

Reading this back if 'she' read this threadshe would know who I am and that its her Im tallking about, but I love her so much and I really want to do something The texts have started to scare me. And its frustrating as i would tell him to F*ck off, but she cant

I told her to pack his stuff whilst hes out and leave it on the doorstep. but she said he would become violent and beat everyone up

If you read this then I hope you arent mad, I just need to talk to someone aboutthis and find out if theres anything i can do because I love you

She does use MN but not for a long time.

He seems so sweet when hes at our house too.

Thanks

COuld you get her into contact with someone not involved in situation. An organisation like women's aid or something. Maybe if a person independant of the situation made her see how bad it was?

YOu must be very worried

I genuinly dont think she realises how 'wrong' it is.

How abnormal her life and routine are.

She always asks me not to tell anyone as he would go mad, he wont go to family when she asks him to leave because that would show what he was like IYKWIM,

No advice at all?

Actully Im not sure theres anything I can do except wait for her to be ready to do something and be there to support her

I don't really have any advice except carry on supporting her. She needs someone she can turn to and trust.

You might get better response this evening when more people are around. WIll bump this then.

Why does your dh not believe you? IS there anything you can do to convince him otherwise?

Its his brother so he just defends him.

And we dont see any of it, its just from what she says. But i know its the truth.

I can imagine he IS like that as DH can be the same, not abusive by any means but has a temper, and i can see his brother having it but not being in control of it,

book and the one Amazon are offering with it are often recommended on domestic abuse help websites. Might be worth getting - you could read first and pass over to her? She probably doesn't realise it's abuse as it's mostly verbal.

Have a look at this advice from Women's Aid on how to help a friend.

Can't you make an anonymous tip off to social services about a child at risk? Perhaps a visit from them would clarify the seriousness of the situation for her.

"they live with her parents"

aren't they concerned/doing something about it?

having supported a friend through 5 years of abuse from her partner, in my experience all you can do is be there for her emotionally. i told my friend numerous times to leave but it wasn't until it was having an obvious effect on her daughter that she finally realised that she had to leave.
she subsequently said that me simply being there to listen when she needed me and my constant but subtle reassurances that she was strong enough to do it were what gave her strength to finally make the break.
it was so hard sometimes to have to stand by and see the emotional and physical damage that was being done to her (lost count of the times i had to patch her up after the more physical episodes).....but i wouldn't change any of it, i'd do it all over again if i had to.
it is not easy standing on the sidelines of something like this, but i think you have to accept that emotional support is all you can offer her until (and indeed if) she decides to get out of the situation....