Is this normal? What's wrong with me?

[wthiwn]

Was in a 20 year relationship which ended badly due to him leaving out of the blue when I thought we were happy.

I no longer love him, nor do I want him back, and wouldn't have him back either.

Anyway, That was 6 years ago and I have been single ever since. I have had no interest in meeting another man at all and not sure I will ever have another relationship, I'm happy on my own and not sure I could trust anyone again to that extent even if I wanted to.

I still have needs though like us all. Which is the problem.

I have joined a website to meet people and there are a few men that would like to meet me, The problem is, I'm terrified. I only slept with my ex for 20 years, I never went outside the relationship. Since being single I haven't even kissed anyone never mind anything else. I want to, but.. I'm not sure I would know what to do with a guy now..

I would meet in a hotel so it's not a safety thing that is stopping me, so what is? Is it a case of just biting the bullet and getting it over with if that makes sense? Something just seems 'wrong' and I can't explain why? Can anyone relate?

Maybe you'd be better off developing a friendship with a man into a FWB situation, rather than jumping straight to hook ups?

I mean, sex the first time with a new person is often a bit awkward and not great so you might find hook-up sex is crap for you and makes you feel bad.

I dont think its a good idea. Surely you'll end up feeling used?

Sorry op, but what you're thinking of doing is so grim. Meeting a complete and total stranger at a hotel for sex? I'm sorry, that's just gross, and it is most certainly not in any way safe. I genuinely believe you will come away not feeling good about yourself at all.

I think the best way is not to think about meeting for sex in the first instance. Chat to men online, find someone that you feel comfortable with as you would expect a friend to be. Arrange to meet for coffee without the intention of having sex, build up that friendship first.
FWB's can work, there's lots of stories on here of ones that work successfully for a long time. .Some don't, mine didn't with that particular man. But I happily would again if I met someone I thought was right.

Don't just jump into a hook up, they have there place but a bad hookup could put you off for life!
When I was single a few years back I found hookups utterly souless and what happens if you just don't fancy them?

My dating profile on Tinder then actively stated that I wanted a FWB and was surprised at the amount of like minded "normal" people out there.

Try this - socailise first, get to know someone but with clear intentions that there is no commitment or pressure. They do work but only if you are clear.

I was actually shit at the FWB thing - she's been here nearly 3 years and is wonderful

I would be very careful if I was you. It could end up making you feel used. Also there are a lot of very dangerous ppl out there. Please be very careful.

@Fromablokespoint awww that's lovely 😊 almost melted my frozen heart!
@wthiwn it depends on your personality, you need a thick skin for purely hook ups and it doesn't sound like that's for you?
I would think a regular FWB would suit you better so you can at least get to know them.

What is it about dating that you don't want? You don't have to live with them, you can still chose when to see them. IME men OLD are only too keen after a date or 2 to move onto sex, which you could just do, then you don't have to continue to see them as they don't tend to expect you to be exclusive from the start anyway these days. Much safer than randoms in hotels, sounds a bit seedy and dangerous.

From my experience of fwb, it's very difficult to get right. Often the men looking for them are looking for an ego boost, they don't want to be your friend. Yet they still manage to take umbridge if you dont fall in love with them. Basically, they tend not to be very nice sort.

Not saying that goes for all, but the majority. But then I suppose you could argue that all relationships are just a question of finding the right fit.

Personally, I'd keep it to either one night stands tbh though. Or just get a vibrator. Because let's face it, it'll do more for your needs than some random who doesnt give a shit about them would.