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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He says they where just friends

14 replies

changesoul · 26/07/2021 20:43

Hi,

Please help me. I’m in big trouble.

Me and my partner has been together for 9 years. We had lot of fights & disagreements in 2019. He was working in one company who was run by one couple.

While we where going through the rough patch in our relationship he started talking to his boss wife. When we went on holiday she use to call her few times and I asked my partner why is she calling you he said it’s work related. In his field of work it was quiet normal.

So I did felt it weird but I just left saying him i want him to keep limited contact with her. He agreed to it.

Few months passed and things went pretty bad about me and him & 90% topic was about that women. He use to swears to me he just hand professional relationship nothing else.

But somehow I was not able to agree I was feeling something else is going on so I kept asking him and did not give up. One day I found that I can download his wats app on my phone and check what he is up too.

He use to be online on wats app quiet a lot so I was happy to know that I will be able to see what he is doing on his wats app.

It was 1st day on my phone me observing him and the text appear of her and they both started with password so they know it’s not someone else texting.

Conversation went like -
She- what have u been Upto no text no call ..
Him- I was busy with the project
She- okey
Him- all okey ?
She - yes after hearing ur voice all good
Him- I love you
She - I love you too
Him - 💋
She - pagal
Him- I miss you
She - I miss you too

I confronted him there and then he switch of his phone and he was not ready to talk to me.

Only things got bit settle I told him to leave that job which he did not agreed at 1st then he agreed and he left the job.

How will I know what it was according to him she was just really good friend and he use to share our problems with her coz there was no one else to talk too.

He swears to me it was just friendship and I m being narrow minded and now it’s been 2 years since he left that job but I don’t trust him and we still have fights and arguments on this.

I really do love him but if he is has cheated on me I don’t want to be with him. He swears all he did was talk nothing else. He use to call her when he use to do night shift at 12am, 2am, 3am not every week but I will say pretty much few times in month.

He says u don’t listen to me atleast she was and it was just friendship.

Right now he has been providing me all kinds of proofs form last 2 years but I’m not able to past this stage where I can move on.

What do you think has he cheated or he was actually just talking due to our rough patch?

Please help I don’t want to be with cheater he has been providing me all the proofs for past 2 yrs about his whereabouts etc..

I will be eagerly waiting for ur replies

Thank you

OP posts:
litterbird · 26/07/2021 20:58

Sorry OP he is probably cheating on you looking at those texts. Do you realise no co workers who just need to communicate work related info dont say 'I love you'. He is in love with someone else and she with him. I would get my ducks in a row and leave.

Shoxfordian · 26/07/2021 21:00

He definitely cheated
He was telling another woman he loved her ffs

Dump him

Bookaholic73 · 26/07/2021 21:03

He obviously cheated, and probably is continuing to do so.

billy1966 · 26/07/2021 21:09

Absolutely cheated.

The WhatsApp texts are very clear.

changesoul · 26/07/2021 21:19

@litterbird

Sorry OP he is probably cheating on you looking at those texts. Do you realise no co workers who just need to communicate work related info dont say 'I love you'. He is in love with someone else and she with him. I would get my ducks in a row and leave.
He says they become friends so they talked
OP posts:
changesoul · 26/07/2021 21:23

@billy1966

Absolutely cheated.

The WhatsApp texts are very clear.

Yup i wonder sometimes if I never would have found I would not have known .. I do love him lot It breaks my heart that this might not go any further. I saw my future with him & I left everything for him. I was with him in his hard times & helped him finically & applied jobs for him to get him back on track .. 💔💔💔
OP posts:
litterbird · 26/07/2021 21:55

“He says they become friends so they talked”

Sorry OP what is that you don’t understand? It is clear he is in love with her and is cheating on you. He has absolutely talked to the other woman, had an affair and now he is in love with her. It’s time to let him go and walk away with your dignity. It’s heartbreaking and not easy but you have no option now. Sorry.

changesoul · 26/07/2021 22:14

@litterbird

“He says they become friends so they talked”

Sorry OP what is that you don’t understand? It is clear he is in love with her and is cheating on you. He has absolutely talked to the other woman, had an affair and now he is in love with her. It’s time to let him go and walk away with your dignity. It’s heartbreaking and not easy but you have no option now. Sorry.

He left that job 2 yrs back so I dunno .. if he is being honest or not
OP posts:
FatCatThinCat · 26/07/2021 22:22

It doesn't really matter if he cheated or not, your relationship is over. It's been toxic for years. Let him go and find a relationship which uplifts you rather than one that has no trust and is constant arguing.

billy1966 · 26/07/2021 22:26

You deserve better than him OP.

It is that simple.

You deserve better.
Flowers

changesoul · 26/07/2021 22:27

@billy1966

You deserve better than him OP.

It is that simple.

You deserve better.
Flowers

I love him it's so hard. We just had argument literally few mins back since we have finish work. He says he is tired of me and he does not want me in his life. I'm the wrong person coz I have nature of not letting things go specially this for worker talk.

It's so hard

OP posts:
litterbird · 26/07/2021 22:32

Then listen to what he is saying OP! He doesn’t want you in his life. You can find happiness with someone who does want you in their life, this man is not for you. Please leave and grieve the end of the relationship and in time find a nice man who won’t cheat on you.

Opentooffers · 26/07/2021 22:39

Nobody says "I love you" ",I miss you" to someone they just talk to. I bet he left his job, likely feared you'd tell her DP if he didn't. You are kidding yourself by believing his lies, it's obvious it was more than talk, you are just looking for an excuse not to let go.

changesoul · 26/07/2021 22:41

@Opentooffers

Nobody says "I love you" ",I miss you" to someone they just talk to. I bet he left his job, likely feared you'd tell her DP if he didn't. You are kidding yourself by believing his lies, it's obvious it was more than talk, you are just looking for an excuse not to let go.
I did tell his DP .. & that DP still did not wanted him to let go from his job coz of his on going work
OP posts:
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