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Original poster

How long is too long to return a call??

17 replies

Dropdeadfred2 · 26/07/2021 19:35

So.. I've been seeing someone. For a few weeks.. when I'm with him he's very attentive but when I'm not with him he's awful at picking up the phone or answering whatsapp messages ...i havent heard from him for 48 hours despite me calling twice and messaging ... he often says he is terrible at responding to people not just me but I'm beginning to find it insulting .. am i just too needy?? I'm not used to this

OP posts:
VanGoSunflowers · 26/07/2021 19:39

I don’t think you’re too needy to expect someone you are seeing to respond to a text or acknowledge a missed call. It’s odd IMO.

Sadly OP I would say he isn’t that in to it maybe?

GiveMeAUserName123 · 26/07/2021 19:45

It’s odd, maybe the phone is kept in a drawer because it’s a second one, not married is he?

seensome · 26/07/2021 19:45

Bin him off how can anyone build a relationship without communication in between dating, I think it's really rude of him to leave it that long. If he's like that with everyone then he can't have many friends.

litterbird · 26/07/2021 20:09

He might have a burner phone because he is married so wont be able to get to it often. However, I have a friend who is notorious for not replying to texts or calls for several days. We are still close and get to see each other but I accept thats what she does and who she is.

Original poster
Dropdeadfred2 · 26/07/2021 20:14

Thanks all...i know he's not married as i have stayed with him three times. I do agree that it's not how i would expect to treat someone you care about. Sometimes it's because he has his toddler daughter ( 50% of the time) other times i think it's just rude. Last time i saw him he said it didnt mean he wasn't thinking of me... but i think it means exactly that!!

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 26/07/2021 20:15

Yeah it’s crap. He’s not considering you at all and not bothered about being in contact. He’s not that into you/a relationship. It’s easy to be nice and lovely and enjoy someone’s company when they’re right in front of you, often it doesn’t mean much beyond that.

OhDearMuriel · 26/07/2021 20:20

Bin him off.
It’s really rude.
Sorry but if he was really into you he’d have his phone on standby all the time.

Original poster
Dropdeadfred2 · 26/07/2021 20:22

Thanks everyone. I'm very very sad now but it's what i needed to hear

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 26/07/2021 20:25

Sorry OP Flowers

girlmom21 · 26/07/2021 20:25

If it's long enough to upset you then it's too long

Cockenspiel · 26/07/2021 20:28

Even if it’s completely innocent (unlikely) and he’s just really crap at communication.. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who is crap at communicating?!

Staying with someone like this just leads to anxiety and self doubt and the erosion of your worth.

Tbh, I’d just block him at this point and regain control over your situation.

Enough4me · 26/07/2021 20:29

If it was a day I'd say you were being unreasonable, but 48 hours with nothing shows you are not a priority. He's just not into you to bother sending you a quick reply.

Opentooffers · 26/07/2021 20:30

Have you always gone to his place? If so he's putting in minimal effort, which tells you all you need to know.

thinkingaboutitall · 26/07/2021 20:31

Well it depends on what you want out of a relationship

If this level of communication is too low for you, and you think he’s inconsiderate or inconsistent, then you’re simply not compatible

Original poster
Dropdeadfred2 · 26/07/2021 23:34

Well strangely he called me after i last posted on this...i do go to his bit that's because of my situation. ( not married) .. he has offered to come to mine. I think i need to decide whether i can cope with his haphazard communications...
Thanks all

OP posts:
JinglingHellsBells · 27/07/2021 08:24

To me, he is giving out the message that he is the one controlling the pace of this, not you.

In your shoes, I'd not call a man twice and also message him if he didn't reply to the first call.

It's coming over as too keen. And you always visit him- why can't he come to you?

You've only been seeing him a few weeks and in that time you have slept with him (nothing wrong in that) but he also has a small child.

Maybe he's just not ready for an intense or serious thing with you or anyone?

It sounds rather unbalanced as if you are wanting more than he can offer at the moment.

Step back and see if he makes the running.

Original poster
Dropdeadfred2 · 27/07/2021 10:28

@JinglingHellsBells

To me, he is giving out the message that he is the one controlling the pace of this, not you.

In your shoes, I'd not call a man twice and also message him if he didn't reply to the first call.

It's coming over as too keen. And you always visit him- why can't he come to you?

You've only been seeing him a few weeks and in that time you have slept with him (nothing wrong in that) but he also has a small child.

Maybe he's just not ready for an intense or serious thing with you or anyone?

It sounds rather unbalanced as if you are wanting more than he can offer at the moment.

Step back and see if he makes the running.

Thanks... you are right.
OP posts:
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