Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do when you suspect you're being strung along/faded?

7 replies

GreatPastaBalls · 26/07/2021 18:24

I've been seeing my bf two years. We've had our ups and downs but I've been generally happy in the relationship. We live apart and both have kids.

Prior to the summer holidays he said he will have his kids Friday to Sunday every week (three nights). We usually see each other on a Sunday. We've never introduced kids (his choice), I asked about this recently and it's still a no. So he suggested I come on a Wednesday instead for the duration of the holidays, as I don't have my kids then. Fine. But then he cancelled this Wednesday, with only a vague reason 'not sure what time I'll be home from work/I have to get kids stuff ready'. He's offered no alternative.

I calmly asked about this, whether he wanted an alternative day, but he just said he's busy with work/kids. I asked if he wanted to stop seeing me, as he doesnt seem very motivated to make time for me. He said he is motivated, feels bad to have made me sad.

Still no real progress, it feels like he's fading me out but he says he's not. When I said 'do you want me as a girlfriend' he replied 'do you want to be my girlfriend?' which suggests to me he's not exactly fighting to keep the relationship. He also said 'I don't know why you love me' which he says quite often Confused

What is the best thing to do now, I'm just confused? I feel like we've known each other long enough not to play games. He's a bit depressed but I'm always kind and supportive. I dont think he's cheating but it's a possibility. There's just a general theme of him not really being motivated to see me.

OP posts:
MotionActivatedDog · 26/07/2021 18:27

Do you actually want a future with him? If so then you need a straight up face to face conversation about it. If not just call it quits. Don’t torture yourself and don’t let him treat you like an option.

SStopRaisingHim · 26/07/2021 18:34

I calmly asked about this, whether he wanted an alternative day, but he just said he's busy with work/kids. I asked if he wanted to stop seeing me, as he doesnt seem very motivated to make time for me

That’s quite a leap & an attack. Doesn’t sound like it’s a very health relationship in terms of communication.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 26/07/2021 18:36

Have you posted about this before? If so I'd just forget about him as he doesn't sound that interested in spending time with you

GreatPastaBalls · 26/07/2021 18:46

@SStopRaisingHim you may be right, it wasn't intended as an attack, just if I cancelled an evening together then I would suggest an alternative, he does have several 'child free' nights each week. If someone wants to see you they find the time?

OP posts:
pisspants · 26/07/2021 18:48

if he has depression it could be that. I have a dp much like this and similar set up. He regularly cancels as he is depressed and gets quite overwhelmed regularly. If you love him and have been together 2 years I'd give it a few more weeks to see if things have changed at all. Especially once the schools hols have finished when routine returns to normal. If he continues to be avoidant and you've discussed it then I guess you'd have your answer.

CassandraTrotter · 26/07/2021 18:49

He seems confused why he is treated you so poorly, continually shows no interest in you, yet you are still interested.

Have you asked yourself why you are happy with this fag end of a relationship?

Why do you not want to end it?

SarahBellam · 26/07/2021 19:15

When a man wants to be with you, you know. It is very telling that he doesn’t want to introduce you to his children or meet yours after two years. I’m a big fan of taking things slow when children are involved (I didn’t introduce mine to my DP for a good year) but after 2 years he’s basically telling you that it’s not going to happen. I’m sorry to say but I think he’s just not that into you. Certainly not enough to progress beyond this lukewarm relationship. In your shoes I’d be off looking for someone who wanted the same things as you, who actually wants to spend time with you, and would be proud that you wanted him to meet your kids.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page