Chilhood Emotional Neglect:sorry if it is a Trigger

[OliveToboogie]

I suffer from CEN and PTSD. My mum was in and out of Psyche hospitals when I was growing up and there was zero emotional parenting. I have come to terms with my past but when I am triggered usually by what I perceive as disrespect the red mist comes down and I am a child again. Shouting being aggressive, hurtful.

This is hugely embarrassing and tbh I am so tired of living like this. It also has caused problems at work.

Does anyone have any advice how I can change my reaction to triggers? Counselling is not an option at moment because of Covid.

Thank you.
Olive

Have a look at and both deal with negative core beliefs and childhood abuse (physical and emotional).

Thank you

You probably struggle with controlling your feelings because of the lack of interaction between you and your primary cater - your mum when you were a very young child. Do your feelings feel painfully intense as if you are overwhelmed? Perhaps you never learned how to access your emotions and tend to bury or ignore them. You need to learn how to care for yourself and understand where those feelings come from and why you have them.

I can only recommend Pete Walker’s excellent “Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving” as well as Jonice Webb’s ‘Running on Empty’. Both lifesavers for me.

Don't rule out counselling. Many appointment in the NHS are taking place remotely.

You've taken the first step in recognising your triggers

Hi OP, I could have written your post word for word. My mother emotionally neglected (as well as probably every other type of neglect possible) myself and my sibling. We are both quick to anger and once we are we both go like raging bulls until we basically tire ourselves out! It is also causing me issues at work (not with colleagues, we get along like a house on fire), if I feel like management are not listening to me or have disrespected something I said I can't stop myself from letting them know! I don't think I have PTSD or anything like that, can I ask how old you are OP?
Funnily enough I am the exact opposite with my children, I shower them with praise and love as I can't stand the thought that they would feel how I did.

Have you checked out the work of Dr Jonice Webb, she is a specialist in CEN
drjonicewebb.com/about-emotional-neglect/ lots of articles and advice on her website.

As for dealing with the red mist, I would suggest "The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation" by Matthew McKay. This book was a lifesaver for me, it has practical exercises to help with regulating your feelings and just allows you space to breathe until you feel calmer and more in control. I used the exercises in it when I was dealing with my abusive childhood, like you the mist would descend and I was ashamed of my behaviour, it was like all the years I was silenced and abused came screaming out in short bursts. My own friends and family wouldn't have recognised me during those times.

@AuntMasha
How would you summarise Pete Walker’s “Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving.
I'm thinking of buying it.
Thanks

Thanks for all the replies. I've read Dr Jonice Webb Running on Empty. And the Absent Mother